Happily in pain

This pain keeps coming
never is it stopping
but if it tried would i let it?
if it succeeded would i enjoy it?
will the happiness break through?
couldn't you see it trying to?
i was happiest with us
but was it love or was it lust?
they say pain goes away over time
but thats not true with mine
six months
its been since you went away
i still haven't asked you to come and stay
so I'm deciding to end this happy pain
and all the sorrow you brought my way
as i watch the blood drip slowly down
i think of how heaven will be
and wonder if you'll miss me
but as my vision darkens all around
and my tears slowly start falling down
i see your face in the doorway
and hear your voice from far away
and then...nothing...