I never meant to hurt you

Mum, dad,
don't hate me for this
i never meant to hurt you
or do the things i did
i never meant to think beyond reason
and I'm sorry to leave you with my kid
i never meant to scare you
or make you feel more helpless then you were
i didn't want to disobey you
but there was another life that i preferred
i wanted to stay with you
to continue the life i had
but ever since you suffocated me
i felt i had no other choices
but to do this
and mum...i know we fight a lot
and I'm sorry i said i hated you
it really isn't true
you meant the world to me
i just couldn't show it, but really i do
i regret all the tears
but I'm making it better
taking away pain from a few years
it will hurt less when my baby's older
tell daddy I'm sorry
that i looked up to him
and he meant so much
i wish i tried harder to make him understand me
but no matter how hard i tried
we were in different stories
i know you didn't approve of me and him
but tell my boyfriend I'll miss him
and how much he meant to me
i know sometimes it was hard
but i leave him with my baby
my most treasured belief
that he will make a great father
make sure my baby is OK
and she grows up strong
make sure she doesn't make the same mistake as mummy
and no matter what, in life she will never go wrong
tell her mummy loves her
and she's sorry she couldn't be there
but just cos she wasn't around
doesn't mean she doesn't care
if she could make this better then she would
but it was too painful to watch her life like this
it will make yours better
tell my baby that
and make her daddy proud
I'm sorry you couldn't believe in me
so I'm writing this to tell you
this is it
no more pain
no more suffering
this is where i will remain
let everyone know i was happy
and this is what i want
for my baby to grow up
and daddy to be proud
for everyone to live the life
and me too, to be allowed
i hope you see a reason
for me to end it here
i love you all so deeply
but life became my greatest fear