Comments : Transient {haiku}

  • 16 years ago

    by Choose xX Alex Xx Life

    Urm i dont understand the ast line lol however what i made if it was very powerful and well written :D

    xxx alex xxx

  • 16 years ago

    by Melissa

    Nice wording. I especially love the English/French transition...

  • 16 years ago

    by cowgirlstar26

    Foray and fray seem very alike for my taste but i love that word and no one uses it so no brainer that it gets a five

  • 16 years ago

    by Perfection

    It is interesting how so few words can say so much.. the unusual words give it that extra touch of mysteri in some way...
    also your ending in french was a great idea ....
    Good work

  • 16 years ago

    by BECCA lessTHANthree

    Lol so i had to look up like every word in this poem :]P okay not really but the first line lol

    anyways about the poem.. the first two lines are really strong.. i love the way you think of things. all your poems so far are much deeper than most people can bring themselves to think.. however.. i cant comment on the last line.. because wel i dont knoe french.. but it sound pretty lol :]P

  • 16 years ago

    by Jessica

    Awh, wow. That was so beautifully worded. I did not quite understand the last line as I believe you used some french in there but the other lines were great. Lovey job. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by I Seem to be the Heartless

    I really like this poem. But what does"desole" mean? I know "je Suis" means I am. (did a bit of French in college). Nice job..


  • 16 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    Perfect dude, the reason im saying that this poem made me to go to dictionary to look up the meaning of your words, that is what poetry is about.
    I also loved the french mixing, its just a fresh style to me........ something different.
    great job
    as always, a 5/5 cause you truly deserve it.

  • 16 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Wow loved the last line in this poem If im correct it means "im sorry" in french. Well done with this style of poetry loved your vocab. Well done~mel

  • 16 years ago

    by debbylyn

    Very well done! It's different in that it rhymes ...the word choices are fabulous and the English/French transition is awesome! All the best, Debbie

  • 16 years ago

    by Kelsea

    Beautiful. You have such a rich vocabulary, and your poems reflect that. May I ask, though, the meaning of "Je suis desole"? Just curious...
    Niccely done though. I have a hard time with haikus XD

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany C

    Good poem. But maybe you should put in ( ) what the french means:) I did like the fact that you used french. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by ImNotPerfect20

    Well it would be helpful if i could actucally understand with this is saying.. and i dont feel like looking it up.. lol maybe you could send me a messege telling me what it means..

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    This was beautifully written, and though short filled with so much depth.
    I liked how you swapped langauages, I thought it made the poem powerful, and I thought the ending was very intense.

  • 16 years ago

    by Stephanie Naylor

    I dont understand the last line, but it was short and has meaning behind it

  • I think this is great. good structure and flow. it was very powfully worded. great work keep it up. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Independence Forever

    The first haiku i've seen on this site, way to keep independent buddy

    your servant:

  • 16 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    And I wish I could properly critic this..but, I don't know what it says.
    May I suggest putting the english underneath it? It would help a lot of readers that won't admit they don't understand.

    But, I'll give it to you, it sounds pretty, and by the way you write, I'm sure it is. =]

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex No Rate [Until I know what it means. Lol.]

  • 16 years ago

    by Startle Me

    I think of trees on this one.
    I have no idea what you just said, though.
    But I also see lovers.
    Talking in french.
    My conscious starts to fray...
    Lovers falling in love
    falling asleep as well.
    I never noticed.
    But people should talk about feelings more
    In their comment
    And less about flows, grammar, spelling, blah.
    Thank you for opening my eyes on this one :]

  • 16 years ago

    by RavishingEruption

    Very good
    i love hiaku it is difficult but always lovely when your done
    oh about the french: i'd put a subtitle type thing beneath it