Comments : Abused Child

  • 13 years ago

    by Stephanie Naylor

    Its very good, because you start it out with the baby in so much pain and then you go on to explain that it all gets better and che finally finds happiness, maybe you should write a sequal, 5/5 great job

    --------SIN

  • 13 years ago

    by Stephanie Naylor

    Its very good, because you start it out with the baby in so much pain and then you go on to explain that it all gets better and che finally finds happiness, maybe you should write a sequal, 5/5 great job

    --------SIN

  • 13 years ago

    by amber

    Its very good even though it is quite long...but good job. great description and i can totally feel it. keep it up

  • 13 years ago

    by David

    Whoa this was so emotional and sad. it gripped the readers emotions and made them feel sorry for her.

    well done. this was an excellent poem again, 5/5 David

  • 13 years ago

    by ImNotPerfect20

    Wow.. I really had tears in my eyes after i read this. its so sad.. I'm going to be a social worker so this poem hits home. It's so hard when a child gets abused. this is a great write. You told the story from when she got abused until foster parents came.. great job. 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Black Princess

    I almost cried :s i don't cry easily and this almost did it for me. This was breath taking, beautifully written and so expressional just amazing. once again 5/5 you never cease to amaze me.

  • 13 years ago

    by Brittany C

    Very good poem. I always liked happy ending. I felt sorry for the little girl no one should have to go through that. 5/5

  • I really love this poem it has great flow. i cried as i read it. use create such a mental picture with all of the emotion.

  • 13 years ago

    by Robert

    This was a great poem I gave it a 5 kudos Plot121

  • 13 years ago

    by Taylor Lyn

    Yet again I am amazed at the content of your poems! Excellent poem, but such a sad topic! I hope you didn't experience this first hand, but you write about it so well and with such descriptive language! Excellent work, I look forward to reading many more of your poems!

  • 13 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Ohhh this was so heartbreaking...I have tears in my eyes.
    The opening dragged me right into the poem.
    Flow was perfect throughout the entire poem and the imagery used was beautifully done.
    Worc choice and rhyme scheme are enjoyable, and I really loved the ending lines as they were filled with hope.

  • 13 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    Oh my.. this is so sad.. I feel sorry for the four year old kid.. This poem is very beautiful! flow was good. Very powerful! I like this line. 5/5!

    "Dehydrated, no tears run down her cheek"

    I enjoyed this poem! good job!

  • 13 years ago

    by LithiumSacrifice

    5/5 excellent poem. you have great talent. i really liked the ending where some good deeds came from it. its really touching and sad that there are children that live that way.

  • 13 years ago

    by crystaljean88

    This poem brought tears to my eyes.. i like this very much. i been through something like this b4...awsome job 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Tracy D Rollings

    WOW great write sad but you did very good and the flow was great, wish all of us had that when we really needed it ,at least there was a happy one out of this one,keep up the good work,your friend Tracy

  • 12 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Whose = who's
    half starved = half-starved
    parents soon" = parents soon."
    to girl as her = the girl as her
    her bring her home = bring her home
    him head in his hands = his head hung in his hands
    tears on his face = emit
    (hands and face seem to rhyme perfectly well)
    hearts beating = heart beating

    Beautiful poem, one with a surprising happy ending =] I thought she was going to get abused again, but not all stories have sad endings.

    I suggest in future poems you put punctuation at the end of your lines, so that you can give the reader some understanding of what kind of pause to make at the end of the line.

    Your flow was well, however sketchy in some area's, and your rhyme seemed to get better as the poem went on. With a poem like this, the flow is vital so I suggest you try and fix that =]

    Well done, m'dear

    5/5
    ~Stephen White

  • 12 years ago

    by Somber Esprit

    Wow! another really good one! more goosebumps! really loved this one! (though you might like to know, the 1st lin of the 2nd last stanza... i think you mean 'the' not 'to')