The dead of the night (collab)

by firexdancer   Jun 2, 2007


Air below freezing,
Wolves howl to the moonlight,
Branches falling from trees,
On this cold misty night.

Cold wind blows, burning,
yet no pain sharper than the memories left behind,
a trail of footsteps sunken deep in white snow,
to their broken path, resigned.

The warmth of the sun
abducted before dawn,
the creatures of the day
from the land, they've withdrawn.

Skeleton trees rustling,
stripped bare from the moon,
ice shards in the branches,
diamonds falling soon.

A cold breeze drifts
across the grounds,
the winds silent scream
is the only sound.

Black snowflakes fall,
from blood red clouds,
sprinkling their enchantment,
invisible under the shroud.

All perspectives change
in a different light,
because things aren't the same
in the dead of the night.

(c) 2007 gabriella & lonely romeo

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Nix

    I like rhyming. This poem is excellently written. Topic is great and atmosphere of this piece is amazing. Imagery is superb. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Debbie

    "Wolves howl to the moonlight,"

    `Wolves howl to the MOON, not to the moonlight (= It's merely a light coming FROM the moon). But then again, it would rupture the rhyme pattern. I'd suggest this line, though: "Wolves howl under the moonlight."

    `The thought of "Branches falling from trees," is quite vague. Perhaps it meant to say 'leaves' instead of 'branches'?

    "Cold wind blows, burning,"

    `I find that line rather redundant.

    Other than that, this dark piece certainly scored good points from me, most notably is its brilliant imagery.

    "Skeleton trees rustling,
    stripped bare from the moon,
    ice shards in the branches,
    diamonds falling soon."

    I adore that stanza on the whole--simply vivid and splendid. I actually could visualize it with a stark image in mind. Additional props for that.

    Overall, it's a fine work. Some lines could be augmented to help the consistency of the poem as well as the poem itself. I, nevertheless, enjoyed reading it. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Georgi

    Ooo this gave me shivers!!!! good work!
    5/5
    Geo

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I really liked this...very different, and made for a refreshing read.
    The imagery was beautifully done, flow was good throughout and word choice and the rhyme scheme are enjoyable.
    Beautiful work to both of you.

  • 16 years ago

    by Tricky Daze

    Wow..I really loved the mystery in this gaby..you two really did a good job
    I liked especially those lines;

    The warmth of the sun
    abducted before dawn,
    the creatures of the day
    from the land, they've withdrawn.

    Keep it up hunny
    Your friend,
    Laura

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