Random thoughts.. My life. 2am. No sleep for days.

I've just realized just about the most important thing in my life at the moment...

Is fake.

How can I dwell on the fact.. that..
When I thought I was saving myself from pain..
It only brought me closer and closer to the edge of this cliff..
and I have no choice but to fall.

At the bottom something has to be waiting for me.
Maybe an air balloon to lift me back up.
Or..
maybe...
There's solid concrete.
Waiting for my life to be smashed against it.

Optimism is something I cannot get myself to face.
All I can ever think about is the negative things in my life.
Maybe because there's too many.
Or maybe because that's all that's there.

Maybe there is an air balloon.
If there is, It would have a hole in it and plummet from the sky like guitar strings.. or a piano.hitting the perfect high note, then suddenly your finger slips.. hitting a very low and suddle note.

Or maybe there is nothing.
But solid concrete. And it runs it's course, my life smashing into it, as planned.
it falling to pieces as everyone stands by.. pointing and shrieking in disbelief and despair

Either way, it ends in tragedy.
me, falling from the sky
or, landing on solid cold concrete.
shattering instantly.