Comments : Mindslaver

  • 16 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    I wish you made it longer.. :) Anyway excellent choice of words. Flow was smooth, good vocab. Keep up the good work!

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Lonely Little Dreamer

    Wow..very good and powerful poem. The flow was amazingly good. I loved your choice of words and all the metaphors you used. I had to reread it twice to really take in the meaning of the poem and that means its good. It caused me to think. Keep it up.

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Wow, it is very unique, short yet very powerful and effective. The whole poem has great wording and atmosphere, it is so creative.
    My favorite lines are:
    -I am,
    forever sleeping,
    drifting toward tomorrow.-
    ^ That makes very vivid image in my mind.
    The title is very captivating, and the ending of the poem is so effective.
    Keep up, 5/5 from me

  • 16 years ago

    by Sherry Lynn

    Though this is short I really like it. It is very thought provoking and makes the reader think... I love the vocabulary that you chose; it shows that you wanted your readers to read and reread this in order to gain their own understanding.

    Nice how something so short can be so taunting and excellent at the same time.

    --Sher

  • 16 years ago

    by .K.i.T.t.Y.

    Hmmm. i dont know what to say about this poem other than i like it. your wording and structure made it clever and i again must say enjoyed it.

    [haha, maybe i did say something] i hope my pieces shake up a bit of branhes. =]

    5. i believe i will vote for you. =]

  • 16 years ago

    by xPerfect Chaosx

    Well.. to intrepret this poem. First you talk about brine, and I get a sense of the sea.. and a lot of your poem reminds me of the sea, but I could be way off here. You also seem to be talking about something that entrances you, and you want to be able to study it more, but's gone before you can, just like a flash of light. Stop me here if I'm to far offbase. lol. Overall it's a short poem, but something very meangingful. 5/5 for sure.

    Much Love,
    .:Danielle:.

  • 16 years ago

    by Melpomene

    This poem made me feel so relaxed I loved the feeling this piece portrayed into my atmoshere really enjoyable almost trance like in its very own unique way. Short and simple which is how this was written, effective. Loved the flow it was almost chant like. The meaning portrayed was deep it had me thinking about the possibilites of this piece. Well done on creating another beautiful poem. ~mel

  • 16 years ago

    by Nix

    Amazing poem, your words say so much, and atmosphere is great. Truly creative and deep piece, every line is very powerful and whole piece has some impressive rhythm. Well done, this one really deserves 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by ghosts in bloom

    Wonderfully penned. Your word choice
    was ace, and packed so much punch in
    so little time. An admirable trait.

    Write On!
    Take Care,
    Smiles,
    *N

  • 16 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    An echo, this day,
    those days,
    like now-a-days..
    [[I don't like the "like" here.. it seems to take away from the simple imagery your putting together as a whole poem. However, that's only an opinion. ^^ ]]

    Is just a fleeting image-
    In the crux of things.
    [[I really like the ending of the poem. Very strong and powerful, very meaningful, very well thought out, and very well worded. Bravo.]]

    I liked the poem as a whole. The ending, of course, was my favorite (which is how it should be, the ending and the beginning, but you get the point) and I enjoyed the poem immensly, espically the meaning. It's such a short, simple poem, but in my eyes, can be taken in so many different ways. Bravo to you.

    Very beautiful.

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5

  • 16 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Very well written, the flow was good. I didn't however like the structure of it, it was short and some lines where long while others where short. But overall great write.

    Peace, Joe

  • 15 years ago

    by WrittenInTheStars

    Wonderful word choice. Short yet powerful. Great job hunn. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by eehcuhhhz

    The thing I love about short poems
    Are because they give you more time to THINK more.

    I'll just give you my translation.

    You're walking in the beach.
    Sand in your toes.
    Yet you're not quite awake.
    Maybe it's because you're just day dreaming.
    Thinking about tommorow.
    Or like the rest of us, using only ten percen of our brain.

  • 15 years ago

    by Poetess Lana

    Very good free verse, although it was short. You have an impressive vocabulary.

    "An echo, this day,
    those days,
    like now-a-days.."

    That was absolutely my favorite part... it can have so many different meanings.

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    It was a short and sweet write, what i imagined was a person tired of everyday life, wanting something new, a way out but it was impossible and everything would remain the same nice poem.

  • 15 years ago

    by HidinVictim

    Hmmm... this some how made me sad... it seems you don't get much out of life... and your kind of... froating mentally... does that make sense?? still very good piece... 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Blissful

    Another refreshing read different from the norm and something I quite enjoyed. It flowed perfectly and the repitition was effective in getting across your message. I loved how it was short yet held so much power and meaning. You are talented no doubt.

    Well done.
    *5/5*

  • 12 years ago

    by Jess

    Nice Word Choice!!
    Very Impressive!
    5/5 :)