Suffering Inside

by Krissy   Jul 19, 2007

Each day, every day
pain and hate is here to stay
why wont it go away
is this what i must pay
for what I have done
and now my life is like
staring down a barrel of a gun
don't know if I'm going to live or die
but at the same time, trying to keep my head high
hated by many, loved by few
but why did I get hate instead of love from you
I really thought you loved me
look what you've done, cant you see
I should have known your harmless looking eyes
where nothing but a bunch of lies
what if you had to feel the pain you made me feel
it was unbearable, it was unreal
what if someone held you down and raped you
how would you feel? what would you do
or if someone beat you down
until blood gushed to the ground
I hope you know revenge is what I seek
I am no longer scared or weak
but at the same time, I suffer in silence
all I can think about is suicide and violence
cant stop wondering why
why I want to just give up and die
then again I do know
the pain inside continues to grow
but why do I feel this pain
all the hate, violence, abuse drama, shame, sadness-
-the self pity, self harm, knowing every things gone wrong
it all just drives me insane
the only thing people think when they see me is doubt
they don't know what I'm truly about
when people had asked me if I'm OK, I lied
the scars on my arms I always try to hide
you could make an ocean with all the tears Ive cried
no one seems to understand
that I'm in need of a helping hand
everyone around just lets me be
do not just ignore me, please help me
the pain just always wins
I cant take it anymore, I'm ready to give in
I cant help it, I always fear
I fear that the end is near
being a nobody hurts so bad
thinking why must I live this way makes me so mad
why do I deserve this, what have I done wrong
must I live like this for long
if I do I cannot go on
without all this I'll gladly be gone
although suicide is not an outcome, Ive tried
it all could have ended, I could have died
but something kept me alive
I cant be here, I can no longer stay
I need to find out how I can get away
every night I get down and pray
to god I have alot to say
I'm disappointed because he watches me live like this
but I guess thats just the way it is
my heart as hard and cold as a stone
in my life Ive never felt so alone
I'm slowly dieing inside
and right now, love is what I wish to find
I'm lost, please someone help me find my way out
please someone show me what true love is all about
please someone wake me from this nightmare
please someone care and be there
but until then I will continue to suffer inside
and my true feelings I'll continue to hide


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