Me and myself

Oh god please stop me from what I'm saying
Let me for once gain control of myself
My heart wants me to stay so badly
But my mind is making me run

Run from it all
I'm like a robot
Automatically closing myself up without thought
Shutting down

It's hurting so much
Tears are falling down my face
Just like they use to

I can feel it, the person I made myself into
Taking over again
Telling me to let go and be strong
To be on my own
Because it's the only way I'll make it through things

"Escape, flee into the night under a full moon
Breathe in the fresh air
You're on your own; you should know that by now"

It's like a movie on repeat
The same scenes playing over again
Every time I get to this part
I don't just press pause
I take out the film and throw it away
I'll never know if the ending is good or not
I'm too scared to find out...

You've done it again Amy
Closed yourself off
Are you happy now?
Are you happy this way?

Safe, but not happy
"It's better to be safe, happiness never lasts long"
But I love him
"But everything ends, haven't you learnt that yet"
What if this time is different?
"It never is different though is it? Don't be weak, stand on your own, because no ones going to catch you when you fall, you'll hit the ground, just like you use too"
If this is right, then why does it hurt so much, why does it feel like my hearts falling to pieces...
"It doesn't matter, you've overcome it before and you'll do it again
Never let anyone in
Never trust anyone
Never love
And never go back
Then no one can hurt you"
And no one can ever love me...
Oh god what have I done...