Whiplash

I don't know what you find
When you look and smile at me
I'd give anything to read your mind
Just what could you find so interesting?

A girl who lives on a constant edge
Who's so tempted just to fall
Do you see a subtle struggle?
Where sad thoughts are articulated and drawn

Playing with conclusions
Picking apart the past
Trying to pinpoint times I flourished
Finding the reasons why each didn't last

You're my biggest source of laughter
You calm my erratic ways
You'd never aim to change me
But push me forward, so I don't fade away

My world is switched, turned upside down
I'm not the girl I knew
How many times have I changed this year?
My latest reason is you

Falling in doses, for a guy I just met
But have thought about since I did
Shattering lifelong suspicions
Even decisions I'd a short time ago shouted

Enjoying every moment
Not used to such normal things
Holding hands in all the greenness
Anxiety at meeting the 'Family'

You're so close to a dream that I worry
For dreams aren't what I seem to get
I'm fighting a lifelong impulse
To run away before someone decides to end it

When I'm around you, my soul isn't fighting
And even though my heart skips certain beats
I'd rather be with you, than anywhere else
A fact I'm finding less and less frightening

My Self Destruct button is failing
I'm simply enjoying the ride
Not instigating disasters
...actually glad to be alive