Core Disturbance

I don't know how to say this
But I'm scared... all of the time
Scared to push the boundaries
So I just stare at my confines

I'm stuck so I look inward
And I don't like what I see
A part of me that's broken
And I'm frightened always will be

The part of me that makes me think
I'm worthless, disgusting
With the same voice that haunts my dreams
And constantly pokes and taps me

I can't understand how my head works
I'm too fu(ked up to think
Rationality and Normality
Forget the door, it's down the sink

I know I'm moving forward
But I've hit this grey plateau
I'm drowning here in nothing
And I don't know where to go

Do I head for land and safety?
And get the help I need
Or do I swim out further
Where the sharks continue to chase me

It should be a simple answer
Yet I'm stuck among the weeds
Praying for a hope, a hand
That will come and rescue me

I'm trying to get up slowly
But the weeds have turned to rope
The waters getting higher
And I'm losing air and hope

Exhaustion falls upon me
But I fight it with what's left
This is where I'm stuck now
And I'm left holding my breath

Every night, the bindings tighter
And the chains get linked in place
Wanting to only have the strength
To look me in the face

To stop flinching and looking away
Despising what I see
Hoping that in the morning
I'll have the rare day and just be happy