Timebomb

My mind is so chaotic
I can't find air to breathe
My memory is hazy
And I'm tired beyond belief

I'm lieing here exhausted
But my brain just wont shut down
Fortune telling futures
Painting pictures of a clown

My blood runs thick with poison
My thoughts stuck on repeat
They're running memories through me
The blade I can't defeat

Trying to be positive
Waiting for the worst to pass
Days ago, it should of gone
I'm petrified its going to last

The voice I'd once drowned out with laughter
Returned so suddenly
Adapted and returned to mock
And whisper so subtly

For the whispers are what I strain to hear
In between the monotonous shouts
Tempting me with words of hate
Self Pity and Self Doubt

~

Now wouldn't it be easier
If you simply played along
It's not that much thats asked of you
Aren't you fed up of being strong?

Letting people close to you
Do you really think they'll stay?
How much can they take of you
Always complaining you don't get your way

Soon, you'll be all but forgotten
And I'll fill the wounds that they leave
And however hard you may fight me
Its impossible to let go completely

For whether dormant or stroking
My darling, you Never can win
Ill squeeze your heart till its gasping
And your lungs are about to cave in

Your mind will run so completely
Dreams will become your Nightmares
Old friends will look right past you
In between their so blatant stares

~

Words of wisdom I should listen too?
Could it really be looking out for me?
Or has it just found a new weak spot
And flaunted my corruptibility

Dancing with indecision
Determination, balancing on a line
This never ending tightrope
I find myself walking all the time

How can something I thought I beat
Shake me to my very core
Will everything I grow to love
Be the thing I really do fall for?

Words are my expression
My Grin, my Frown, my Trick
You don't have to beat me, to break me down
Just wait for me to attempt to sleep

These bags beneath my eyes are fun
They amplify the voice
To exist as Nightmares? Or struggle awake?
I like to pretend that I have a choice.

Written sunday night. Luckily its gone back into hiding and I can breathe again. I guess I should just be thankful for the fact that it does leave, and prepare myself for when it gets difficult.