Cancer---Another Day to Dread

I can already tell that tonights going to be hard. I hear you crying next door to me in your room. The house is pitch black and everyone is silent in the building but not you. I hear you cry out in pain slashing the silence in the building.

Your whispering into the darkness again pleading it for help. Telling it to stop the pain and the hair from falling out.I feel an overwhelming sense of worthlessness, for i dont know what to do. I hear you pounding your head against the wall, wish for it all to stop... . She silently telling the night that she wants to die. I feel my eye fill with tears wish for the same to happen to me. I want to die tonight too.

I see the light in your room turn on and I hear the toilet lid lift up. Your getting sick again...this is my cue.

I get up from my bed feeling the cold air of the night hit my warm body. I walk into her room and smell death in every corner. I dont want to look on her bed for I know i will see all the hair that she has lost this week. But I must look over to check if I need to put new sheets on the bed...I see blood on your pillow and phlegm on the sheets. I must change them before she tries to go back to sleep.

You hear me come in and i find that depressing smile on your face. You speak to me in you worn out voice"will you hold my hair again tonight." Of course I say with a trembling voice I will hold it every night. I see her smile fade as the tears fall from her eyes. Shes finally starting to see that she cant do this on her own and that her independence is gone.

I tell her to stay in the bathroom while I change the sheets and put the bloody ones in the wash. But before I could start I hear her getting sick. I tell myself to just walk away leave her to take care of herself.

But right know I need to be the parent and take care of my mother like she has done so many times for me. So i hold up whats left of her hair and watch her get sick. When she done I wash her face and put her to bed knowing that tomorrow will be another day to dread.....to be continued