Deterioration Part 1

I still love you
But I don't know why
I thought I let
My feelings for you die

I guess they're still there
Alive and well
And right now they're putting me
Through a slow and painful hell

About three months ago
Was when it began
Our friendship that is
And pretty deep it ran

Since that day
I've been your best friend
You told me everything
Through the IM's we'd send

You trusted me more
Than you trusted your guys
And I felt nothing you told me
Were that of lies

I think you started talking to me
Cause I was good friends with your girl
Before I befriended you
I was watching events unfurl

She wanted to know secrets
So she let me talk to you
But telling your secrets
Would be something I'd never do

So I kept your secrets
And hers as well
And trust me when I say
Nobody did I tell

But it wasn't just your secrets
That to me you'd confide
Something much more real;
Present attempts of suicide

Your girlfriend said,
"No more drinking, and not another square"
Then when it came to you
You didn't seem to care

You told me how
You're occasionally depressed
And in becoming sober
You're becoming extremely stressed

One night we were talking
And when I thought we were done
You said you were looking down the barrel
Of a .45 gun

Once I know that you were serious
And thinking of dying
I was extremely scared
And close to crying

I talked you through it
And told you it'd be okay
You put the gun down
And decided to live another day

You said I saved your life
I asked "in what way?"
You said "for being there for me
each and every day"

Your girlfriend you loved
Cheated on you
And when you found out
I thought "what would he do?"

I thought you'd shoot yourself
Or cut yourself with a knife
Because you loved her
More than you loved life

When you signed on AIM
I was happy that you were okay
I gave you my number
For you to call any day

We talked for an hour and a half
Longer than I thought we would
About everything and nothing
Just because we could

We were now closer than ever
And I was surprised to find
That I was number two on your myspace
Because I was thoughtful and kind

When I was out one night
I heard your ringtone's song
I saw you called three times
So I knew something was wrong

As soon as I was out
I returned your call
And told you to get on AIM
Where we'd talk about it all

I IMed you on my phone
The only way I could
The whole car ride home
You should know that I would

We talked for an hour
On that night
Then you said "thank you
I'll be all right"

If you needed my help
No matter what about
I'd do whatever I could to help
Without any doubt

We were best friends
Talked everything through
But something happened
And that's part two