To super gran

I'm writing you this letter
in hope to make things better
since the day you left this life
i continued cutting with my knife
i have so much to tell you
that i think you should know
you were the only one i could turn to
after everything wrong i would do
you always made it better
so i decided to try this letter
i cant think straight
I've left this too late
i really hope you understand
maybe you can hold my hand
i miss you more than i thought possible
living without you is just impossible
you left us too soon
and flew to the moon
everything has fell apart
and I'm living with a broken heart
i made you a promise which i failed to keep
because of that i cannot sleep
please forgive me for what I'm going to say
i should have told you before you passed away
you questioned me about my youth
but i lied and never told you the truth
i felt too scared that I'd get blamed
i couldn't see you looking ashamed
i need to tell you that you were right
what you guessed about the past that night
i feel so bad because to you i lied
and most of all because i know you cried
i feel like everything is all my fault
now my life has came to a halt.
i need your guidance and your love
i need your help from up above
i promised you i would make you proud
I'm sorry i didn't but I'm not allowed
i have let the family drift apart
for you to see would break my heart
i did try to make it right
but all they seemed to do was fight
I'm sorry that i ran away
but they had spoiled your last day
that was my chance to say goodbye
instead they drove me away to cry
i tried to end my life that day
i thought it was the easiest way
i wanted to be near you
but that has never came true
my mum is still a mess
and she couldn't even care less
i don't know how to stop her lying
or stop her from saying "i wish you were dying"
i am missing you but i cant talk
when you are mentioned i turn and walk
i don't want to live anymore
losing you was just too sore
you are such a special Gran
and now i wish i had ran
I'm sorry for cutting and wanting to die
but without you all i do is cry
i wish this was all a very bad dream
that i will soon wake with one loud scream
everything i do is always wrong
even more so since you've been gone
and a million words cant bring you back
i know because Ive tried
neither will a million tears
i know because Ive cried
nothing will ever be the same
nothing will ever cure this pain
there really is only one way out
so to you this letter i must send
on the 28th December you'll find me gone
i cant stay here I'm not that strong
if i could just die too
then i could live with you
i will find a way to go
and the reasons only you will know
I'm sorry i caused so much pain
but i cant lose anyone ever again
I'm going to end my life that night
cos i know I'll lose this fight
i really need you to understand why
i have chose the option to die
i miss you more than anyone
but all this time i had to run
well not for long
being with you is where i belong
please wait for me a little longer
then with you i can become stronger.

love you Gran, love your little gem xxxxxxxxxxx