Holding On Is What I'd Like To Do, It's Just Not For Me

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   Oct 2, 2007


The air's so clear, I can see your smile through the burning particles -
You can beg me to stay, but the heat is becoming uncomfortable to me.
These gases are burning my throat, and the air is fearfully testing my eyes.
The lamp lights are blinking a little too frighteningly for the first night and the air taste free.

Your lips are almost to mine, closer they lean, but should we shrug away (just encase)?
When my eyes can read the nitrogen in the air surrounding us, and I can no longer breathe -
These stars are prickling our imagination and they're casting us new beliefs;
You can beg me to stay, but the heat is becoming uncomfortable to me.

I could only hope there lays a lie - I couldn't stand to fall in love -
Something like warmth surrounds my shoulders, but I wasn't sure it was you.
Those elements sparkle like your hands dancing into mine - tricky, but oh so enjoyable,
And I'm frightened by what the blue neons are murmuring, "love is lost and time is few."

The air's so clear, I can see your smile through the burning particles -
You can beg me to stay, but the heat is becoming uncomfortable to me.
These gases are burning my throat, and the air is fearfully testing my eyes.
The lamp lights are blinking a little too frighteningly for the first night and the air taste free.

If your skin touches mine, I might be okay with it - why don't you try,
Universes away red nova's are bursting just like our hearts are tending to do,
And the particles are whining as they burn into us, molding us into one;
I wonder if you're still there - by my side, beneath the stars - even though I'm touching you.

All the universe gathers around - perhaps their jealous of our communication
With a morality of being a little less proper and a bit more . . .
You'll have to lean a little closer - I'd kiss your ear and the more you heard,
But I'll melt our particles together with my sweet words.

If you whisper into my ear, with crisp lights between our cheeks, I'll want to shudder closer,
But the light burns brighter to say, "It's too dangerous! Now is your chance to flee."
The air's so clear, I can see your eyes through the burning particles;
I'll admit, "Holding on is what I'd like to do, but it just isn't for me."

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by claire

    Okay i liked it a lot - good rhythm, very poetic ways of saying things, metaphors, etc - and i think its very eloquent, but some of the sentences are a bit long and complex, and the reference to nitrogen didnt come across as very poetic. still, the ideas and writing in general were really good, so ill give it a 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Robert

    I really loved this piece I think it is one of your best. The description was well done and how you drew the reader in your work was very well done I gave you a 5 great piece Plot121

  • 16 years ago

    by Prophecies In Kodak

    But the light burns brighter to say, "It's too dangerous! Now is your chance to flee."
    The air's so clear, I can see your eyes through the burning particles;
    I'll admit, "Holding on is what I'd like to do, but it just isn't for me."

    Reminds me of something you once said to me when we were together, in less subtle words. So that really stuck out.
    Otherwise.. I really like your new style. The form isnt so hot.. but who cares? It threw me off at first and didnt keep my attention.. but it got me into it again pretty soon. I like the imagery and the vocabulary. I liked that best. :]

    p.s.. this has nothing to do with the 45 thing.

  • 16 years ago

    by Idiosyncratic

    At first read through, I really disliked this poem. I liked the imagery, and that was it.

    I wanted to make sure I understood the meaning, though, so I reread it more carefully. That time I really enjoyed it. The second to last stanza is definitely my favorite. Really gets your point out there, yet makes the people in the poem seem... alone? but as if they are meant to be that way. I'm not sure, but I liked it.

  • 16 years ago

    by Teria

    ". . . air taste free. . . . " tastes.
    ". . . (just encase)?. . . " Are you sure you mean that 'encase'. Or do you mean incase? Lol. I guess either would fit there okay, I'm just not sure which one you mean. . .

    The stanza before the last one was only 3 lines, instead of 4. I thought that was kind off odd.

    Overall, the poem is amazing. I loved the way it was made, and the flow of it was great.
    I'm also quite fond of the way you can take such long words and make them work. I use them a lot, but rarely do I make them work. Lol.

    Amazing job.

    pee.ess. i'm sorry it took so long to get to these. :|
    gah.
    slow few weeks.

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