What went wrong?

by Anonymous Angel   Oct 26, 2007


What when wrong?

What did I do wrong?
Why didn't you come?
I thought you wanted to see me,
I guess this moment wasn't meant to be.

I have been thinking a lot lately,
about you and me.
I am always asking you,
when do you have time for two?

Its like I'm doing everything,
to make this relationship work.
Making some time free,
just for you and me.

You didn't come,
you just went home.
So I'm asking myself what went wrong?
We have been together for so long.

**
unfortunately, I still have a writers block. If anyone know a better title please tell me.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by isabel

    What did I do wrong?
    Why didn't you come?
    I thought you wanted to see me,
    I guess this moment wasn't meant to be.

    A very good begin... It reminds me of myself, a couple years ago...

    I have been thinking a lot lately,
    about you and me.
    I am always asking you,
    when do you have time for two?

    I really enjoyed this stanza... especially the last two verses... in simple words you just described the feeling so wonderfully...
    yet i am not very sure if "lately" and "me" rhyme... it sounds a little bit weird...

    Its like I'm doing everything,
    to make this relationship work.
    Making some time free,
    just for you and me.

    Again, this really sounds familiar to me... I really enjoy how I can relate to this poem...
    yet maybe you could try to use less "me" at the end of the verse... it sounds a little bit repetitive...

    You didn't come,
    you just went home.
    So I'm asking myself what went wrong?
    We have been together for so long.

    this is really a great ending... The simplicity of the wording, contrasting with the depth of the feeling just amazes me...
    I just loved the last two verses...

    5/5

    *keep going*
    isabel

  • 15 years ago

    by Faithless

    Well i think the title is just fine...the title realli suits the poem...it musta be based on a true incident...glad tt u managed to share with us this great sad poem

  • 16 years ago

    by robin milford

    Good poem thanks for your comment on my poem "Recipe for insanity

  • 16 years ago

    by Dennis

    Questions many of us have asked while in relationships that feel one-sided. If both aren't willing to nurture the relationship...eventually it will wither away and die like a flower that no one has watered.

    I could nit pick on some of the grammar again...but I'll hold off this time lol. If you care to hear my suggestions you can send me a message about it :)

  • 16 years ago

    by ECILA ice

    You made this poem while your totally confused, am i right? coz it comprises a lot of questions. i know you can bring something more vivid than this but it is still a nice poem. in some angles it jumps that made it a bit rocky.