Holiday Horrors - Pumpkin Carving (Halloween)

I had to carve a pumpkin
I had to try it again
I had to get my fingers all sticky
And then put them down the carving hole again

I was never good at carving,
I always cut my fingers
I never found this fun or interesting
I always hated this holiday
But you would too, if you shared my experiences

You should know about my Trick or Treating story
How much that creeped me out
All I did, was pout and pout
About this horrible holiday,
I pouted so much my parents threatened to throw me out

So to be able to sleep in a nice, warm house
I have to do something 'Halloweenish'
So instead of going out,
I'm going to spoon a pumpkins brains out

So I cut the whole,
I'm digging things out
But guess what the first thing,
That I pull out?

A beer bottle,
A tin can
An empty bag of skittles,
Aw, this is gross! Aw, man!
(This littering and pollution stuff is seriously getting out of hand)

I dug a little deeper,
And pulled out a cockroach
"OH MY GOD!" I yelled and screamed,
My parents asked "What?"
But since I knew they would never believe me,
I simply said "Gotta pee!"

So I returned from my visit to the washroom,
And stared at the pumpkin I'm using
I put my hand in, one more time-
And brought out a freaking magazine

That was it,
The end of the line
This is it,
I'm not wasting anymore time

"HALLOWEEN IS OUT TO GET ME!
DAMN IT, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE ME?
THIS SHOULD BE FUN, NOT FREAKING FREAKY!
WHAT IN HECKS NAME IS WRONG WITH ME?!"

My parents stared at me, confused
My brother simply looked amused
I looked back into my pumpkin,
When an arm and hand popped out,
Holding a gun

"I am the ghost, of Halloween
You want to know why these things are happening?
It is, because, you're the chosen one
Who will defeat the evil Monster we flee from"

I stared at the pumpkin, wondering if I'm insane
Then I asked "Really?"
"Nah, I'm just pulling your leg!"
There was a loud BANG
And I woke up in bed
I must be messed up,
Messed up horrible, in the head

I weakly laughed it off,
And went dowsntairs
Where my parents were waiting for me,
With my brother, Ben

They were sitting at the table
All holding knives
What's going on?
I wondered. What's the surprise?
My dad stood up
And said "PUMPKIN CARVING TIME!"

If this wasn't so eery,
I'd run away and scream
But I'm so terrified,
I can't move my knees

It was the pumpkin from my dream,
With a carved hole on the top
I approached with caution,
And then stopped
I looked inside,
Put my hand in-

And what did my wondering hand bring out?
Some pumpking seeds-
And a BEER BOTTLE?