Clueless

by Shinobi   Nov 3, 2007


Always wondering and thinking what I should do
I want to be honest, I want it to be through
I guess I can never have the pleasure to have you
And that's the reason I'm blue

Experiencing your life as an unstoppable row
I see you meeting one guy after another
With your deep emotions it's me you blow
But it seems it doesn't matter how much I bother

There are times I want to have you along side
But your mind is set on another chosen
When watching you like this, my world collide
There's a toxic feeling like drowning in poison

I have no clue on what I should do
Maybe It'll work if I tell you my heart
My rekindled love is unknown to you
It remained the feeling I had from the start

What must I do to make you my own?
A deep feeling tells me I'm worthless
My rekindled love for you is unknown
And that's why I'm still clueless

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    I absolutely love your rhyming.. but as in the last one, (I didn't say anything then) I never find rhyming the word "blue" powerful. because one its a weak discriptive word.. and its .. idk .. you rhymed it well. but blue.. has never been a strong word. other than that your rhyming is amazing. the only other compliant is:

    But your mind is set on another chosen

    it doesnt make sense.. how about:

    But your mind is set; you have chosen

    great job

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Jackie

    Good poem, lot of raw emotion in there, 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Fsams

    This poem is good for sure. I like the word choice but I think some lines need some kinda adjustments. Fort instance "And that's the reason (why)I'm blue" and other lines which the reader may feel little ambiguios or difficult to understand. Your poem is cohesive but the element of coherence is 95%.

    Overall a good poem

    Tc
    Fsams

  • 16 years ago

    by Spirit

    This poem was good but it confused me. it felt as if it jumped around a bit.
    sorry for being harsh
    but it is my own opinion.
    Sam Mayo

  • 16 years ago

    by VSambulance

    You changed your poem style throughout your piece. for ex. the first 4 lines are all rhyming, while the rest are only the second sentences.
    still liked it.

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