Buisness as Usual

by The Herald   Nov 9, 2007


The little bumblebee,
with his stinger, he did poke me
it hurt a little and it swelled,
but in the end his life was felled.

for, it wasn't that id done him harm,
or caused him to have some alarm,
id only thrown rocks at his nest,
the only thing he considers blessed

and as i waited for the flood,
of pain, and poison, hurt and blood,
that i knew the bees would be soon to bring,
on my arm, spied i an odd thing

there sat a bee, furiously trying,
but without luck, to bring me crying,
from his weapon of little woe,
for now i have become his foe

for now to me, he tries to be cruel,
as if to say, "This is Business as Usual"

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Moose

    4/5

    Great concept, but its as if you didnt follow through thoroughly. Your concept of the bee attempting to cause you pain in defense of his home and at the chance of causing you pain was great, but it was not fully grasped. You seemed like you just tried to skip half the story.

    The other thing is your rhyme flow is kind of off every now and then. When you rhyme two lines and one is 4 sylables long and the 2nd is 13 it throws it out of whack and makes it hard to get back into the rhythm of the poem.

    Just a couple suggestions. Not bad for 14 years old =p

    -Bryce

  • 16 years ago

    by kasia nicole

    Thats good and very diffrent 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Tammie

    Hahaha that made me giggle. It's so random. Flows well and you created this scene in my head. Well done, and if this is true, I guess that's what you get haha. :P

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