What hapens after you die

by santino   Nov 13, 2007


Misery fly
time goes by
people die
and others cry
don't ask me why
i don't understand...
your feelings confections revive....
and others dull feelings cant survive...
my life is not worth anyones time...
and others meantime use life with bad eyes..

my heart is a collage of feelings
sometimes I'm nice
and others I'm dreadfull...
my hearts empty convection
is full of good and bad eras
i move from place to place
thinking I'm still ghastly in a worst state
i hate with no relate
i don't know why i do that
if I'm latter thinking why did i hate
why did i act that way
my heart will be asking for sorry
and asking if I'm already
to be steady and ask for sorry
or do something right
so my empty hearts globe will still shine with light

i ask my self sorry for thinking i was once fine
and I'm drinking wine with three dips of hates mill
then to be at the hospital drinking loves holy will
when i love i love with no rate
but when i hate don't ask me most likely it will be to late
iv never hated so far i think I'm still ok
but life days never come with relay
we never get to see the times we spend
the things we do but later we don't know what is the end

i wish i was ok to survive my life's ground state
really my life is in no relate....
but really i come to tell you my unknown secrets
i now hear sweet music
with a little touch of holly altitude
i hope my life will still raise , but with great surprise
ill tell you run for your live i don't care for my life
but you save yours in the meantime
i now walk through a road
and i don't know were it might even go,
i feel that this is the road
to discover my unholy confessions
this road will take me to the
answer of all my questions....

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I love your opening to this piece, it's very powerful and gripping that it immedieatly makes the reader want to continue on into the piece.

    "i now walk through a road
    and i don't know were it might even go,"

    ^^My favourite lines in the entire piece, hands doen. So much meaning, and so much emotion packed into those few short lines that it adds such a powerful effect on the overall piece.

    "this road will take me to the
    answer of all my questions.... "

    ^^ BEAUTIFUL ending there. I thought that was beautifully done, so intense and hard hitting that it hits the reader like a slap in the face, while wrapping the piece up so perfectly at the same time.

    Now, the thing I didn't like in this was the cionstant use of filler words (I, you, the, and etc) as I found it to throw the flow of in a few places. Try eliminating some of those and you'll find the flow is so much smoother.

    Also, the fact that some parts rhymed while others didn't, also threw me of.

    However, I thought this was both original and unique in concept and written with beauty and grace, and it provokes so many thought provoking questions for the reader.

    I love the imagery in the first stanza, it's beautifully descritibve and detailed that it's like the reader can -see- everything that you're describing.

    I would like to see more imagery in the following stanzas, though.

    On the whole, you did a good job with this.

  • 16 years ago

    by A Fallen Angel

    I liked this poem but i didnt rate it because i feel like u can prolly treak it. i mean the flow is like all of ur other typical poems but this one was hard for me to actually get thru. i couldnt quite understand where you were going with the poem. plus lots of spelling and grammatical errors. i know u areo nly 11 but if you are going to post somethign for all the world to see.. u might wanna make sure u check ur grammar. but if you revise this a few times u will have an awesome poem on ur hands. lol. good luck!!

    A.

  • 16 years ago

    by FridusBlueheaven

    Wow, I really love the flow and the story. And you made it good and brilliantly written!!! 5/5 from me!!!

  • 16 years ago

    by Sweet lig

    Wow i like how u expressed ur feelings here actually iadd this poem in my favorite list coz i wanted to read it every other day if i feel very emotional.. i love how u constructed all the words.. great flow 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Allison

    Wow, that was so full of emotion...it was beautiful. *5/5*

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