If This World Were Mine
by SH3S fiNAllY H3R3 l0V3 U N3NA Nov 14, 2007
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If this world were mine |
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Latest Comments
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16 years ago
HOW COME U HAVEN'T SHOWN ME THIS ONE?
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16 years ago
by Jenni Marie
This is such a beautiful and moving dedication..
The love you feel for your son is beautifully portrayed throughout this piece, and it really warms the reader's heart.
It flows well throughout, and I thought the repetition worked nicely without being overdone. -
16 years ago
by Marc Ortiz
Another fine written piece, good job. The flow is a little rocky at some lines, I have some suggestions though..
If this world were mine
I would buy you anything
To make you happy
Is all that matters
=If this world were mine... (It creates an atmosphere for the reader)
I would buy you anything[,]
To make you happy
[Coz your happiness] Is all that matters[.]
It's just a suggestion. -
16 years ago
by Lilly
Nice it is so sweat 5/5
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16 years ago
by Crystal Gaze
This almost made me cry, such a sweet and adorable peice.
I love how your express your feelings about your son in poetry.
Im sure it will put a smile on his face when he gets older and is able to read the love you had for him even when he was a child through your poetry.
:) well done..
