A terrible addiction can only take you so high

Every morning I paint myself
To look like everyone else.
To blend in, to not stand out,
To be normal.
I wear long sleeves
So they don't see
The real me.
So they don't see
What i do on the side.
But the one,
The one I was truly
Hiding from;
Saw
Everything.
What I am without the paint.
What I am without the long sleeves.
I am not proud,
But ashamed.
To him I am sorry,
I know that will never be enough.
He said I am selfish
For what I do.
I told him
It has nothing to do with you.