But, it got worse.

Things got worse
smiles held lies
lies held cold painful truths

I stayed locked up for days
not knowing
what to do with myself
holding in all my pain

but, I couldn't take it anymore
I had to reopen my door
and let the pain escape,
I let it bite down
deeper and deeper
slower and slower
more
pain.

bit by bit ,
the pain dripped away
I was no longer locked behind this door

yet still ,
everyday when I entered
the building
I had to hide it all away
no one needs to know it
all completely.

when they ask
I never let them worry ,
they never really care anyway
why do they need to know, everything.

as I recall old days
back to when it was just him and I
I somehow get locked behind my door quicker than ever
missing his warmth beside me
missing his soft voice
as he whispered 'I love you' in my ear
breaks me down every time

and so , it'll happen all over again
I'll let it bleed
bite my lip
and watch it all escape me
again and
again.