When forever Ends

Seems so sad, beautiful though, great job!

Another good piece. It had a good story behind it, a wonderful rhythm, and good words, unsurprisingly. I have noticed though, that though your wording is superb, a lot of words or phrases get used frequently, like 'blood soaked', 'Consumed/consuming' and ‘crimson’. Now, I’m not saying these are bad words, or that it’s not good to re-use them. I’m just suggesting that perhaps it would be good for you, as a poet, to experiment with different words, at least for a period of time, anyway.

Brad

"She See's those hopeful diamonds as they sparkle in the sky
So why does she lay there broken, forever wanting to die"

one of my fav. stanzas. i like the use of metaphor here. the second line was beautiful. in my opinion i think it would sound even more awesome if you added a question mark. well done and neatly written.

"Consuming broken emotion, the darkness blinds her life
Imploring crimson liquid, gliding a tainted knife"

i love the first line here. she's so consumed in her own darkness that she's blinded by it. it's almost like she wants to stay in love with her sorrow. perfection.

"Darkness now draw closer to steal that one last breath
Forever remaining broken she hides awaiting death."

this is so sad because it seems like no one is ever going to save her. i feel the tragedy of her despair. nice work.

your a true poet my dear. i get so excited everytime i read your work. it's so inspiring. keep that pen flowing. love and peace.

Lovely phrasing, beautiful emotion.

I would think you meant to capitalize the couple odd words in there, but "Grey" and "See's" don't seem like words you would want to specifically emphasize. Also, you don't need the apostrophe in "sees." ;]

I really like this poem!

Great work nice and deep and well worded! 5/5