I love making friends...
It's people I can't stand.

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.

Girls are like phones.
We love to be held, talked too...
But if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

It takes 46 muscles to frown...but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

You laugh because I'm different...
I laugh cause I just farted!

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
"Hold my purse."

Men are like...Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

The Japanese have a word for it. It's Judo -- the art of conquering by yielding.
The Western equivalent of judo is, 'Yes, dear.'