If you don't like gay marriage,
Blame straight people.
They're the ones who keep having gay babies.

Don't chase them,
Replace them.

Sorry.
I won't be giving you my heart this year,
But I do have another throbbing organ
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You're Fat.
Don't try and sugar coat it
Because you'll eat that, too.

Remember when I told you to shut the f**k up
And you were so shocked, your jar dropped and nothing came out?
D**n, I miss that.

If my smoking bothers you..
Don't breathe.

Friend: "Have You Seen My Acid?"
Me: "F**k Your Acid, Have You Seen The Dinosaur In The Kitchen?"

How do I feel about gun control?
Break into my house one night && find out.

In seven days, God created the world.
And in seven seconds, I shattered mine.

Be strong now
Because things will get better.
It may be stormy now,
But it can't rain forever.