Sometimes I don't tell you what i'm feeling, because I'm hoping the silence between us would give you a clue.

It'll take time, baby, but wait and see; somebody's gonna do to you what you did to me.

You're like a Chia pet...you're kind of funny looking but you're beginning to grow on me.

I'm not going to stress over you anymore. It isn't worth it. I tried to work something out but you just ignored it. I'm not trying to say I don't want you, because I definitely do. All I'm saying is I'm done chasing after you.

I'm not saying you're easy, but when I look up something to do in your town it gives me your address.

How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men...

DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY!

Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?

To the lady with 6 screaming kids, at the store. If you're wondering how a box of condoms got in your basket, you're welcome. ;)

Why is it that in tampon commercials they're always laughing and dancing? Shouldn't they be revving chainsaws & burning sh!t down?