To the lady with 6 screaming kids, at the store. If you're wondering how a box of condoms got in your basket, you're welcome. ;)

If your legs open up faster than Google's homepage, you are not girlfriend material.

When a telemarketer calls, give the phone to the nearest child and tell them it's Santa on the phone!

Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.

You're like a Chia pet...you're kind of funny looking but you're beginning to grow on me.

I'm not going to stress over you anymore. It isn't worth it. I tried to work something out but you just ignored it. I'm not trying to say I don't want you, because I definitely do. All I'm saying is I'm done chasing after you.

I'm not saying you're easy, but when I look up something to do in your town it gives me your address.

How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men...

DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY!

Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?