Random Thoughts and feelings. let em flow

Craig, you have my deepest sympathy and respect as you already know, I hope.
June 2016 - my wife lost her grandmother
September 2016 - I lost my dog of 10 years and my grandpa.
October 2017 - I lost my grandmother.
July 2018 - my wife miscarried.
October 2018 - my other grandfather died.

To say I have had a bad couple of years is an understatement. I have gone from all four grandparents to just one, lost a dog and suffered a miscarriage. However, I know how lucky I am too. I was fortunate enough to have grandparents that lived well into old age and saw their great-grandchildren grow up. The balance is, they all are dying one after the other.

Love to all.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5rOiW_xY-kc

You are all very strong indeed, hope the coming year is much better for you Ben !

and Em, what a great choice.. :) </3

Jesus dude that's so so terrible.

I hate Mondays

I wake up at 0520 to be at work at 0600 to make sure my men are there at 0615, shaved, and with a fresh haircut to start the week. We then salute at 0630 and I proceed to make my guys run for 5 miles until they sweat everything they put into their liver over the weekend... out. PT ends at 0800. I walk back to each of their barracks rooms to inspect them because, you'd think a grown man knows to clean their room but, they don't. I show up in the motorpool at 0900 to make sure my men are there by 0915 so we cam form up by 0930. We then conduct preventative maintenance checks and services on vehicles that have not been moved since the last Monday, or even the Monday before that, and so on... JUST in case something has broken since last week. We do this for two hours, even though it takes about 30 minutes. Have to be thorough. God I hate Mondays.

Today one is sporting a rather impressive lump behind the ear.

Tried to go upstairs last night but forgot that where I go a little fur ball who shall remain nameless goes too.

He got under my feet and in my efforts not to stand on him I stumbled backwards..

It's OK though the edge of a conveniently open door prevented a full scale fall.

Many an expletive quickly followed said impact as I'm sure you can imagine;-/

Other than my parents divorce which happened at very young age( I guess I was 5 years old) I don't have any problem with life.

I didn't get much time to spend with my mother and especially my sister noor. And now we are adults, on a path to find ourselves. She is busy just like me.

But God gave me a cousin, and he is just amazing. It's like he can make anything possible for me with the snap of his fingers. Life is so beautiful and full of colors. I have seen so many beautiful places around the globe in last 2 years and now I just want to visit Tasmania to see the birds of paradise.

That's all

I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I have been 10- I am now 29. I am officially diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD and I think a lot of people throughout my life has never understood mental health. I live in my head most of the time because I never know how to Express my feelings. Without going into graphic details I have been through hell and that is an understatement. I am poor at communicating because I was sheltered as a child.

When people say they want to change something from the past, I never truly understand that because I wouldn't change anything I went through. I feel it happened for a reason, probably a morose one but still. I have tried suicide twice- and clearly I failed twice. And I am still searching for why I am here. Perhaps I will never find the answer. I still struggle with addiction and I have binge eating disorder, but I am getting there with trauma therapy. I have a long road to walk.

This is fantastic. It's brill that you have someone to share your journey.

Regards

Craig

I think you sum things up perfectly in your last line.

It is a long road and every twist and turn holds another challenge. Just keep putting one front in front of the other and I'm sure you'll get there.

Craig

Until recently, I have been very reserved. I usually don't open up to very many people, even online. Honestly, I don't even have anyone I call a true friend. I have many acquaintances that I casually talk with, like coworkers, but not a true friend. I guess I'm wary of people, I don't trust easily. I'm always skeptical of what their true intentions are. I've been burned too many times.

I don't know many of you that much but I find comfort knowing that whenever I do need someone to talk to, that PnQ is always here. It's been my safe haven more than any one truly knows. I'm trying harder to be more open and communicate on the threads more, to get to know some of you beautiful people better.

Hi Craig, I am happy with my life.
I believe, "our gifts circumstances, purpose, imperfections, journey, and destiny, it's molding us... Embrace it."
In my life, certain things happened which I used to hate the moment they were happening, and now I appreciate those things happened at that time.
Like I hurt someone once and because of that guilt, today, I am where I am and she is also happy and I am so happy to see that she is happy.
Then I am in love with a girl and she pretends to be someone else.
I am 28 and earned enough to live a healthy life for the years coming ahead. Sometimes, I think of taking a break but I can't do it. I will have to keep on moving, testing my limits to bring new contracts for my employees. I live alone and their families have become mine. I feel happy when I meet their children and feel sorry for their loss. This motivates me to give more than 100 percent. Every single minute of my life counts. However, I think of quitting at the age of 40 and handover my companies to someone I can rely. Someone, who thinks like me. Treat the employees like his/her own family. Let's see what happens.

Everything changes us. Some would argue that it does not, but it does. You can often second guess things you would not do out of instinct.

It's easy to get knocked of track and find yourself on a path you are not sure about.

However all paths lead somewhere. They are not always safe but they go somewhere. The end is the important bit for oneself. The things you do in the middle are the things that are important for others.

"Premum non nocare"

First do no harm

This thread got so busy that I missed this Larry. I tried to respond to as many as possible but it's difficult.

Thank you so much, it's one of those though. I'll just suck it up like a buttercup.

I once had WhatsApp. I didn't like it.

Thank you so much for the outstretched hand though.

Craig

edited :) :)

Well that was quick.....

my cross has been de nailed
the crossroads have had three entrances coned off
I can only move forward

The company I work for went bust this morning, I was told over the phone that I no longer have a job, nor will I be getting paid either.

A new chapter begins I suppose...

I've been in a similar situation.

Weirdly it was exactly the turning point in my life I needed.

Yes it was difficult for a while, but things will often fall into place.

I hope and I'm sure you will find a new and exciting challenge.

Regards

Craig

Today I'm mostly thinking I can't be arsed with anything.

Duvet, doggies, coffee and cuddles is all I'm good for.

random thoughts eh?!
no one cares! lol

I hate negativity...Also...I really can't tolerate arrogance...

Amazon customer service is the worst customer service I've ever had to deal with. But I'm chalking it up to a lesson learned and saying this note to myself: Never buy from Amazon again.

Thoughts like this are what is wrong with this world today.

Dear Hellon I hate both of those things too.
But I love our old pal Illuminatex

The creator of this column asked for random thoughts and feeling to share, So Kohn did so too. Why should we deny him to share his feelings.
Why do we have to prove him that he is right and no one cares?? And why those of us who really were the victim of vicious depression should be doubtful in place of being empathetic to another fellow poet with severe depression??

Yes, you are correct, the original poster asked for random thoughts and feelings. Koan, in his response "no one cares! lol" is not making a direct contribution about his feelings, rather he is generalizing thoughts (not necessarily his own) that other members (me for one) do not agree with...

We all need to see this.... https://youtu.be/nt5_3cbo31I

Random thoughts and feelings...

an umbrella is used to covered one up from the sun but also from the rain, sometimes it’s used as a spade or as a can for walking

I used to see all those kids soaked in rain while holding up their umbrellas, the winds lifting the school girl’s skirts and some papers flying towards the school buses’ windshields

I also used to see kids at the mall holding their weight against their umbrellas, using them as can as if they were old people who needed support

ah those poor umbrellas!

it seems we always give a purpose to anything even when the purpose is not what it was intended

I find chopping hard vegetables satisfying

Humans want to own everything that’s cute or pretty even if it means hurting it

Flannel and loaf are two of my favourite words

I love chopping veg too. But if a chunk of carrot makes a break for it and skids off onto the floor, that does my nut in.

Mind you my dogs see it differently. Lol.

Oh and I hate cutting up raw meat (gaggs) even though I'm not a veggie.

Try the gateshead branch of ASDA (north east England) they are just fantastic. Not!

massive supermarket chain and part of the wallmart group. You would think customer service would be a priority. Yet it clearly ain't.