¿ What's Bothering You ?

Somewhat like a diary only it'd been publically displayed.

Write all your problems down, there might not be any response, but it's less fustrating this way. My opinion anyways. I'll start, has to be in a letter format.

Edited.

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

good idea....

dear "friends"
why don't you help me out once in a while?
y do u ignore me everytime i wear a sweater to skewl?
do you no?
please stop puttin me threw all this shit
i cant take it much longer and i am diein on the inside u's are all killen me on the outside!!!
JUST STOP!!!PLZ:(
cant take this much longer but wen i die dunt wunder y just no all of ur comments got too much for me

Dear Friends
LOOK AT ME!!! Read my screen names, havent you realized that theres something wrong, or are you just trying to ignore it cuz your scared that you wont be able to handle what I say? Well stop being selfish, I've been there for all of you and this is how you repay me. When I need you most its like your scared of what I mite say. I just need someone to listen, someone to catch my tears. Please don't just stand there and watch me slowly fall apart. I need you to tell me everythings going to be okay.... I just want everything to be okay

--wow that felt good

To Daniel
I see you everyday at school, i also see you at band and youth, but you have no idea how i feel. You don't see me even as a friend.....but i see you as so much more than a friend, and every time you walk past i die a little inside. I carved your enitials into my wrist, but u have no idea....i cry at night because of you, but you probably wouldnt care. I havent eaten for days, i just cant anymore. I wish you could no what you're doing to me, even though its not your fault. I wouldnt be friends with me either if i was you.

Dear everyone,
Im sorry that i can't be perfect. Im sorry that sometimes i cant be strong, but im only human, and i cant smile all the time, and im sorry.
Dad: I dont know what happened with us, sometimes i dont even care, but the truth is something did happen, and its never going to be fixed is it.
Mum: PLs stop hating me for my weakness, im sorry im not what you expected in a daughter, but im hurting. and you are NOT helping.
Martin: PLs leave me alone, just stop actng like ur my father, pls, i know tht sounds very "teen" but whatever, i dont want you in my life, and i never have and i really wish you would jst leave me alone. pls go away, ur existance causes me pain.
everyone: Stop staring and wondering whats wrong, help me.

I'm sorry im not perfect, ive tried to be something im not but this is me.
It feels as though were drifting apart and I hate it. I want to go back to the way we used to be.

Dear Cutters:
Please quit whinning and calling me horrible names. You are the ones who slice your beautiful bodies up so why do I get ridiculed? PUT DOWN THE KNIFE AND STEP AWAY. Thanks...

Sincerely,
Natalie O.

Dear creepy guy outside,
Please go in. You've been standing out there for hours. Please stop. You smell of cat food. You are always standing outside just staring at my house. It is bothersome. Especially late at night. I look out the window, and you are there. Plesae, get a life. Go inside. Stop smelling like cat food, and stop standing outside at three in the morning, just staring away, and smiling that creepy smile. You're really creepy, and smellly.
Yours truly,
Kalika

Ok now you got it out...so do something about it m'dear! PLEASE! I'll come down or UP there rather and beat it out of you...I mean if that is what it takes. Free yourself of all that unnecessary stress!! ;)

Dear New Kid at School,

Thanks for calling me a b!tch today. I mean, i kinda knew that i was one, but thanks for the clarification.

Cheers.

//Ari\\

Dear Brittany,

I'm not the same person i was three years ago, before you went off to be home-schooled. You missed so much in my life that i don't feel as if i owe it to you to tell you about. I don't appreciate you busting into my life and disrespecting my new friends like you have done the past few weeks. They're my family now, more than you ever will be. I also don't like the way you and ___ and ____ think that my new friends "stole me away". As if i don't have a mind of my own. I don't think we can ever be as close as i thought we were cos it turns out we were never really friends at all.

At lunch after i told you that i don't think we should be friends anymore, you put on a sad face and leaned against the wall, like you would start crying. Do you think i don't know you?? It's all a pity-show for you. I'm not like that anymore, feeling sorry for people who don't deserve it.

And no, i'm not sorry. I'm thinking of me for once.

Goodbye,

//Ariana\\

P.S.- You have never known me as "Ari". Only as Ariana, the quiet one. Don't take to calling me Ari, as i feel you don't deserve the privilege of getting to know her.

This could prove to be good for the soul...

i have a problem!!!!!!!im so pissed off well what ever no one cares about me so i just wont say it and stuff well what ever!!!!!!!

livvie

Dear Dad. thanx for making me feel like you never cared and thanx for making me realise that i mean nothing to you at all!why not just go.. forget aboot us and move on rather than insisting on hurting us more than you have already done!

Dear mum. thanx for being there through everything. i love you soo much!

Dear friends. you ask for help and except advice.. but why when i need you the most do you decide that i do not need help.. im not perfect nor do i have a perfect life.. just because I smile does not mean that i dont feel like crying... im tired of pretending to be happy.. for once i just want to be who i am and cry... get rid of all my thoughts and feelings and get help rather than always being the one who has to be the shoulder to cry on... where is MY shoulder in MY time of need!

hmm well yeh kinda random short letters to peoples.

Kate x~X~x

Dear Newbie,

I swear to frickin GOD i wasn't trying to move in on you!

OH. MY. GOD. I'M NOT A PERV!!!!

DAMNED NEWBIES WITH DYSLEXIA!!!

Retardedly,

//Ari\\

(please, don't anybody take this seriously...lmao. it just bothered me. O.o)

Edited:

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

Dear Brittany AKA Cantankerous,

I heart you M'Deary. We've been best friends for so many years and despite the fights that we've been through, we always somehow manage to laugh it off or talk about it. I still chuckle to myself sometimes when I think back to a time where everyone thought we were lesbians because we are always seen together. Oh how fast the rumours spread. Thank you for helping me rise my confidence, I was tired of being the wall-flower. It's not often you can find a friend who has the same sense of humour and you can trust your life with, but I found you. This may sound cheesy and a bit sexually disturbing, but I really heart you. You are my sole purpose of living, you are my shouder to cry on, you are everything I need to keep breathing everyday, you are my best friend Brittany.

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

Dear Anthony,
You are an arsehole, but that's what I heart about you. I just wish you can stop emotionally abusing Brittany. She's your ex, she once meant something to you. "Wouldn't it be mean I told you, you were practice?" That comment was uncalled for, there is no need to beat her confidence down because you are angry at the whole world. Despite what she claim, she still care for you. Friends and whatnot. Do you know how many times she cried for you? How many times she wished she was dead? How many times she felt so unloved? Your teasing might be funny to some people, but it's really not neccessary to pick on her. Everytime she gets too high, you do your best to knock her down. I heart your jokes, but sometimes you go too far.

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

Dear SomeDude That I Thought I Liked,

Harsh and abrupt, I'm sorry, but I remember writing you a note asking if we could get together sometime (very dorkish, i know, but spare me the embarrassment), and soon after i found out you received it, i began to change my mind. "I'm only twelve, what the hell do i need a boyfriend for?" "Growing up is hard enough without adding something that could lead into heartbreak." So i just decided to ignore you. But you know, karma's a real nasty ____ because now we have homeroom and first period together. It's very awkward for me, and most likely for you too, because i notice all the weird sideways looks given across the cafeteria at many times. I know i sound so much like an eleven year old, but i can't help it. I've only been thirteen since June. I wish i didn't force myself to believe that i liked you, because it was my own insecurity thinking that you were the best that i can do in relationships, which is obviously not true. Maybe i should've given "us" a chance a couple of years ago, cos there's apparently nothing we want to do with each other anymore.

Very Randomly and Childishly,

//Ariana\\

P.S.- In case you don't remember, dimwad, i'm the girl with the long dark brown hair who stays all stiff in her chair because she's too _____ embarrassed to see you out of the corner of her eye. DUH!

Dear SomeDude,

...

I think i still have an elementary crush on you...but you know...you're still...an idiot.

//Ariana\\

Dear Mama,

Since you moved back in our room a few months ago, i've gotten used to having you there before i go to sleep. One reason why i've developed these dark circles under my eyes is because i can never get to sleep while you're out somewhere. It bothers me.

Love,

//Ariana\\

(Your INSANE Little Girl)

Dear School Administrator:

Go to effing Hell and stay there you arse! Why the Hell did you change my schedule?! I don't want double period of math! I'm a Sophomore taking a course meant for the juniors, what the eff, man! Geometry is hard enough, and now I'm taking Alegebra 2. Just so you know, I refuse to change it, well, at least I'll get college credit for this. Damnit! And Calculous my senior year?! Stop believing the sterotypes! I may be Asain but my Math skill sucks JPM's gigantic balls! For God sakes! I still think 2+2=monkey!

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

Whats bothering me?! All the sad people in the world. Cheer up! Everything will be ok! Sure, we all get sad about things, but come on! no one likes to be with a sad person! Hmmm...what else is bugging be. my shoes. Theay are brand new, DKNY flats. And they squeak. argg....making me crazy!

Tootles!
-Emily-

LMFAO @ COOLIT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA You better follow doctors orders...don't make me beat you up!

Dear Britt...
I know where Oregon is NOW...I WILL beat you up if you disobey the doctor. Tell your boyfriend I'll send my dogs if he isn't nice to you and tell your dad I said you needed to take some time off work! And don't back talk to me or you'll be grounded for 2 weeks.

P.S. Slap Breanna silly!

Dear Jason,
after being friends for so long, you have put me in so much pain, I cant even sleep at night, Im so afraid of you, I have to sleep with knives around my bed so I know you wont come after me, Im so nervous, and scared that you'll do it for the 3rd time, and I know it will get worse next time It always does. Not to mention you almost had my sisters ex join with you, I look up to you like a brother, and all I can do is think about the times, you did that too me

Oh God!

Dear People Who Hate "Cutters" Yet Post Their Own Special Thread About the Subject,

Stop. Just STOP. You're not special, you morons, cos you're not the first person to make a thread that says "Like OMG you need to stop it! Ewwwww!!"

Oh. My. GOD.

Retards.

Sincerely,

//Ari\\

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dear unprotected lover:
I do NOT heart you...

Sincerely,
Natalie MO

Dear Hormones,

Quit screwing around with these teenagers' minds. Good Lord, you've got them diagnosing themselves with severe depression, getting horny and having sex, then crying over the "accident" of getting pregnant, and worrying about their weight problems when they're normal-sized kids.

Their petty complaints are getting quite annoying. Don't make me have to rip you out of each and every one of their bodies. I could find some fun in it.

I hate you.

//Ari\\

LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dear SomeDude aka Dimwad,

I've decided that...maybe blondes are more your thing. I see the way you look at that girl from Louisiana, so maybe she's more your type.

What i really mean to say is...things change, babe. Let's both deal with it. I've lost interest and so have you.

Sayonara,

//Ariana\\

Dear Everyone::
My god these past few days have been so hard. I always feel so stupid--stupid for making stupid mistakes, stupid for letting PEOPLE get to me, when it's people that overpopulate the world. I just know that I can be a really cool, nice person!!! And my concern is the "emo" crowd at school. And holy fuck, do NOT send me fuckin "DON"T LABEL" messages because whether or not you're aware of it, EVERYONE judges people. We all stereotype and do silly things like that, and don't tell me you don't because when you see someone for the first time and they're dressed a certain way and they continue that pattern, then yeah...you can sorta kinda classify them and get a good feel on their personality. I can understand that they may not like me, but i just want to know WHY!!! How can someone hate me and not expect me to not want to change? I WANT to change!! I want to because i know I'm a wreck and at this point and time in my life I'm a fucking wreck.

I know you hear it quite often from me, ya'll, but I may be drawing to a close...It's sooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to stop crying, to lie to everyone and tell them I'm fine, and to maintain a good, cheerful attitude when I don't feel that way at all. It's wasting too much energy. My life sucks ASS and no one really knows with the exception of a few people. But even though you KNOW what it IS i'm going through, you'll still never know what it FEELS like to be living like I am.

When, or if, you even see me in the hallways at school there's no way of ever knowing what's in my head. I don't let it out because I've been taught that these thoughts I've been having can't be shared--people will hate me for them. I've dropped all religious intentions because going to a church--it feels too wrong...do you REALLY think that if anyone in that church knew what i was thinking that they'd really want me worshipping the same god? No...I would think that they wouldn't...

If you haven't picked up on this yet, I'm talking about suicide. I can only take so much and this time, I've cracked. I can't even think straight, i just wanna die! My mom...my friends...my life...everything is so crooked and no matter how much time I spend trying to straighten them out, they screw up even worse than it was before. I'm not a fighter..i can't fight. I've never been able to argue, never been able to really say something mean and actually, truly mean it. I consume hits and calculate them. And I'm getting so much negativity that it seems the good is gone. It's all black. So forgive me for saying things that I may not mean later...I just, I think this all the time. I fold and this time I can't stop crying.

My parents are getting a divorce, guys. They blame it on me...do you know how that FEELS? Mark yells at mom as I cry in my closet and I can hear it from the kitchen as he screams, "YOU STUPID OLD BITCH!" I'm afraid that they'll come and find me. I'm afraid of both of them.

And as bad as home life is lately with all of Mark's retarded jokes about, "hey, girls you wanna have a family day at six flags or whitewaters today? Oh wait....what family?" And he laughs and walks away and all I'm left with is the burn of the icy fire. If I am to commit suicide, I'm gonna do it right, I'm gonna make SURE i do it..i can't risk being put into a mental institution or prison. yeah..sure....maybe I have depression, but FUCK IT!! Nothing will change how you think it's nothing but it feels like everything to me.

None of you, with the exception of Megan, Nikki, and Corey have made life ANY easier for me at school. The rest of you make it so hard to just even show up...but then when it's time to leave, I don't even wanna go! I just wanna be somewhere in between and sleep, be in a coma and not wake up until all of this has blown over...Even then..these problems will never go away and I'm too weak to fight them, and as long as they're here i can't even gain any strength before the next attack.
All of you give me simple advice as to just run away, get away, but how many of you tell me that you honestly can love me like my mom does??? I CANNOT leave her, I can't even lie, i can't do things that I shouldn't be doing. And when you guys pressure me to do things that I actually WANT to do, but don't because of my mom's rule, don't tell me, "Oh, she won't find out." I really, honestly don't care! I care more about my well-being-not getting in a car with a high, drunk, or underaged driver than what you're gonna call me afterwards. If you're a friend you'll respect my decisions when I make them because I make them for a reason. I've lost so much and I'm almost rock bottom, and I may not have much to lose, but I certainly don't want to lose it all.
I'm so scared, guys...........i'm going to be raising a baby that I didn't even want in the first place...(my baby brother, Aiden). I love him with all my heart, don't get me wrong, but I'm a teenager...i'm not a mother. I'm not meant to be cooped up in a house spoon-feeding a baby and watching Barney all day. You think I'm crazy now?? Imagine what a few Barney episodes will do to me, eh?
I'm responsible for myself, my friendships, my enemies, the remaining bits of my family, and my mom....Yes, my mom because my mom is threatening to commit suicide, guys..and i know she'll do it...I'm so fucking scared! NONE OF YOU COULD DEAL WITH THAT!! Knowing that if you did 1 thing wrong, your mom's life could be on your hands!! And I know her deepest,darkest secret, and a few of you do too, but it's damn near killed me once to have to hear her cry and say, "I'm broken, girls. And if you try to fix me, if you TRY to get me help, I'll fucking kill myself." My mom's broken..and that IS my fault too, and don't try to tell me otherwise because I've CONVINCED myself that it is.

I may be stupid, i may be annoying at times, I may even be too loud, but never underestimate me, never EVER . I'm through with shit...i'm through with fighting when it's not my thing....I'm a lover, but all the love I've had has led me to an even weaker person in general. SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!!! Show me that I'll be okay because these tears I'm crying tell me otherwise......................

i am sick of trying to force myself to believe that people care about the world.
i am tired of human thinking they are doing everything they can.
i am powerless because i can not change people into decent ones.
i am sick of people being judgemental then expecting someone to be understanding twords them.
i am sick of life and death. i wish that one day things will change.
it makes me angry that no matter what i do with my life i cant help everyone i cant protect everyone.
and it makes me sick to share a world with rapists, murderers, and hypocrits!
humanity is doomed so why am i even here for the fall of the world? no one cares so why even spend the rest of my life trying to help those that are ignorant and close minded? why even bother?

one more note * no doubt in my mind jesus (if he exsisted) was the MOST patient person ever! to die for people like us to live? wow that was so *speachless* we dont diserve what we have.

Dear Bible Thumpers,

LEAVE ME THE HEAVENS ALOOOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!

In case you FORGOT, you HYPOCRITICAL OAFS, judging people is YOUR GOD'S JOB. Step down and let the big dude upstairs run things. Eventually, ALLLL of us "heathens", as you call us, shall alllll be banished and damned to hell.

THERE!

AND STOP COMING TO MY HOUSE WITH YOUR BIBLES!!!! My great-grandmother's Catholic enough, and she's got at least four frickin bibles in every two rooms...

Oh yeah, and that time i sent you to this kid named ___ house, the reason he stabbed you with your own rosery was because he's an ATHEIST.

DUM DUM DUM DUUUUUM!!!!!

JESUS!

//HeathenAri\\

Dear Somedude,

I'm having trouble finding another somedude like you.

YOU'RE A NERD!!!!!!

But you're still a nice somedude...

I think the only reason i ever thought i liked you was because you were too ___in sweet. Your stupid blue eyes made me believe what you said. "These eyes never lie".

HOW DID I FALL FOR THAT CHEESY LINE SO HAAAARD?!?!?!?!

AAAAAAARRRRRG!!!!!!!

Still Regretting,

//Ariana\\

Dear Fudgy Biatch aka Britt,

Will do. :) But i've got to go to bed now.

Love,

//Ari\\

Dear Dude Who Emailed Carlos Mencia (I think your name starts with an "A"),

DEH-DEH-DEEEEER

^I heard you HATE that sound cos you say Mencia makes fun of "retarded" people. First of all, you uptight fruitcup, people like that are MENTALLY CHALLENGED, NOT RETARDED. *YOU* are retarded. When i call people retards, it's because they were born normal but then they just started going "I'M 'TARDED!!! DEH-DEH-DEEEEER".

Retard.

Retardedly,

//Ari\\

Dear.....anyone

What do you see when you look straight at me??? Cause i dont see anything, only a thing. nothing thats feeling, breathing, living, just a thing. And i hate that feeling but thats the way its gonna be isnt it.
Im sick of my family, im SICK of acting like a "family" its ridiculous, we all know that the group of people YOU call our FAMILY, are simply a group of people hating eachother and spending as much time as possible away from eachother. is that a family? i dont think so.

I am sick to death of certain people, too. pretending like they know how im feeling, pretending to help, seeing me but only seeing the tears and refusing to look past that. i help people, i am there for just about everybody if they come to me for help, and i get nothing in return.

Some days i want to be alone, sit on my bed, cry, write, think, cry some more, and just be by myself, so i can think by myself. But other days i really need friends. But i hate school. and i hate home even more. I loom forward to school in the morning, but when i get here i cant wait for the day to end, but then when im home i wanna go abck to school. I hate every environment i am put in.

Im closing in near to the edge, and nothing is saving me so far. Im suick of it, im sick of feeling this way, but i cant control it, and NOBODY accept one, sonia, is helping me. I feel like im alone, alone all the time, suicide only ever crossed my mind a few times, and its starting to sink back into the back of my mind and i hate it.