Comments : Submission

  • 9 years ago

    by StandStill

    Wow. this got my heart racing. no joke...

    The wind laments, saddened by the choking smell of death,
    but it only fuels the red, and I'm tearing at my own flesh,
    his eyes are flashing wildly as they brim with alien light,
    looking at his hands and mine, I'm surprised to see them mesh.

    ^ this is my amazingly favorite stanza. the imagery you've created in this poem is beautiful. and the rhyming helps it to flow, but isn't distracting.

    this entire poem is just so undescribable. WOW.

  • 9 years ago

    by Cayce

    Wow. o.o That was just.. wow. It was scary, and erotic almost. Your use of words were AMAZING. I seriously got lost in the poem, and I didn't want it to end. So, I went back and read it a few more times, haha. I mean, usually I don't like reading long poems, but I just couldn't take my eyes away from your beautiful, terrifying words. I have nothing bad to say about this poem. There's really nothing to critize.

    The wind laments, saddened by the choking smell of death,
    but it only fuels the red, and I'm tearing at my own flesh,
    ^^I just LOVED those two lines.

    Amazing, darling.

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

  • 9 years ago

    by Lemma

    Shivers!!! This was SO amazingly creepy I actually looked over my shoulder as I was reading it! The atmosphere it created was so intense and WOW! The rhyme was natural and, whilst you probably didn't need it, made the poem that bit more clever and made it stick in my mind even more. The imagery was terrifyingly descriptive, my favourite stanza:

    "I try to fight his darkness,
    as it overcomes my tongue,
    slowing my ravaged thoughts and brain,
    yet I wait eagerly for what I am to become."

    5/5

    Em xXx

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    Very good poem. And very well written! The flow was great, the word choice was decent, and the concept was astonishing. But the length was unappealing. Kinda felt like I was just reading a book after awhile... lol Very good poem though, 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Wow...
    This is simply amazing, so intense and somehow haunting from the first to the last line. You created stunning and captivating dark atmosphere.
    The imagery in the whole piece is remarkable, so amazingly vivid. Your descriptions are truly flawless in each stanza, you painted superb pictures in my mind.
    I like your choice of words within this poem, too.
    Enjoyable read, powerful and original.
    Keep up!
    5/5 from me

  • 9 years ago

    by Kitten

    Wow...i'm not sure what else to say it was absalutly amazing you have such great imagery in this poem it is stunning how good you are

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This is a masterpiece filled with imagery, passion ,and a storyline.
    You are amazing.

  • 9 years ago

    by Nix

    Wow! Bravo, superb poem, it posses endlessly powerful images which created so vivid picture in my mind. You combined grotesqueness and uniqueness of this piece to create this absolutely captivating atmosphere.
    Very effective ending, and also, whole poem has equal amount of haunting, dark passion. I enjoyed in every stanza, fantastically written.

  • 9 years ago

    by Roses and lilys

    Haha i really liked this one. It's great i loved the words that u used and the peom flowed rather good. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Gooberz

    Dang you had me sitting on the edge of my seat- it gotz me breathing kinda rapidly as well *whistles* this is a great poem for the most part there where some places i got a little lost but not bad for that. great work keep this kinda work up-
    raindrops 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by KJ

    OMG. Freakin awesome! =)
    I loved everything about this poem. Starting with the flow, which was abslolutely on point. Your choice of vocabulary was wonderful and the fact that you used imagery was amazing.

    "I try to fight his darkness,
    as it overcomes my tongue,
    slowing my ravaged thoughts and brain,
    yet I wait eagerly for what I am to become."
    ^^my fav stanza.

    Overall, perfectly and beautifully written. Great Job 5/5

    xxPaSsIoNaTe kIsSeSxx

  • 9 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    Wow, I'm speechless. This piece was simply amazing, perhaps, too amazing for words. The emotions in this piece were. .intense, and you worded it perfectly. Everything is in tune with itself, and everything just. fits. The flow was flawless and the whole thing was perfect, from start to finish. 5/5.

  • 9 years ago

    by Jessie

    It reminded me of a dumb chick cheating on an exceptionally devoted boyfriends.... I do believe you needed more rythym in the poem, but the use of words was pretty good... fairly good imagry

  • 9 years ago

    by Jerusha

    This gave me goosebumps all over... great great use of words... i could visualize everything! way to describe things that r hard to put out in words.... WOW... please do keep writing.

  • 9 years ago

    by Brandon Lee

    Wow that was kinda hot. I am not sure if I should feel ashamed by that or not. Def a good story to it. reading poems like that makes me wonder where the inspiration came from. I don't have anything bad to say about it. I hope all your future poems are like that. 5*

  • 9 years ago

    by ECILA ice

    A nice canvas was created and curved deeply with such powerful words.. great job in here.. you bring out a creepy ambiance though long i just can't help not to finish the whole stanzas and lines.

  • 9 years ago

    by Blissful

    Oh my this was just amazing! You truly took me into another place with you words and just blew me away. You choice of words was flawless in creating this dark and haunting mood. I was hooked from beginning to end.

    "I think I must be melting into the pleasure of his hands,"
    ^I just loved how this line made me feel ... it was beautiful.

    Well done *5/5*

  • 9 years ago

    by Sumit Ojha

    Little long but Excellent poem... Keep up this good work... :)

  • 9 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    Hm.
    I think I could like this, but right now, I don't.
    You've put it into a standard poem form, and the thing is, I think this could prosper to something amazing if it were an open prose.
    It's okay to write prose, once in a while.

    And I just think that you could express yourself a little better if you opened like that.. It seemed... I really can't say. It just didn't read well, in my opinion.
    I do like your thoughts, though.

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 4.5

  • 9 years ago

    by Ixora

    This poem made me want to jump with excitment...yes i realize its a sad poem in a way but i think its more dark in a good way...idk i just really like it. I think you've just became one of my favorites.

    *^*crow*^*