It's not fair

I tell myself it's not fair, as I stare at his name,
Not able to say goodbye, I peer through the curtains of shame.
I sit in a corner and scream to myself everyday till I cry,
I'm angry with everyone, I just want to know why.
Was I bad, did I do wrong, this was my one true thing,
My heart froze in time when I heard the doorbell ring.
When the name rolled off his tongue, I heard a noise in my head,
I couldn't tell if this was real, did he say my husband was dead?
Everything I have known is now gone, how am I supposed to understand,
I will not believe, nor will god convince me that this was part of his plan.
These days now I walk a lonely road, only thinking of Jim,
I might walk it forever; no one can fill my void but him.
I stared in disgust, how could this flag replace,
All I'm left with is a memory, a picture, and a face