I've had the same milky frost
over my heart for years now.
I wonder when you'll
bring back your saffron sunshine
to make me warm again.
Wondering leaves me lonely...
How can it be that your
onyx eyes will never grace
my presence again...
Everyone is falling in love--except me.
I'm just falling over hills
of jade trying to see a glimpse
of your smile.
I try to forget how cerulean tears
grazed my weary face the first
night I slept without you..
Those tears are now dried and
have turned slate.
I think about how your heated words
made my eyes go from an irritated fuchsia
to a burning hot carmine
I'd do anything to hear those words again.
I can't help but miss
the way you tease my
mulberry nail polish and how
I refuse to wipe off.
Or how I never use my apricot
crayon to draw pictures.
I feel like a leprechaun
who doesn't want the pot of gold
I miss the color in my life.
I guess I'll spend the rest of my days
Haha I was wondering what all the colors were for, it started to get a little much near the end. I think a lot of times we make our minds and hearts believe me need someone when in fact we really don't need them at all. I've waited a long time for the one person I truly need. Great work 5/5
Absolutely amazing . Not only did you incorperate all colours , but even the shades . You were able to make a love poem , one that touches home really deeply . If you didn't win the contest, I don't know what the other poem could have been . I have no way to critique you , so definately 5/5 .
Generally, I liked this poem, although some of the colors sounded forced. There were also bits that weren't exactly clear; those seemed random and felt off-topic. For instance, does 'hills of jade' refer to an inside secret shared? The use of these words are original, but it's unclear what they mean.
"Or how I never use my apricot
crayon to draw pictures."
What does this have to with anything at all? I cannot see how not drawing pictures with apricot-colored crayons related to the idea of this poem. Another example of this confusion is "a leprechaun who doesn't want the pot of gold". So what does he want?
Of course, there are some very nice things in here. "saffron sunshine", the second stanza, and the last two lines struck me particularly hard.
Just focus on what you're saying, add a word or two to clearly indicate what you mean. Keep it subtle, but not so much to keep all the secrets of the poem to yourself.
Beautiful poem, so full of love, heart ache, desire and confusion. Enjoyed the colours, I thought it very poetic how you used less mundane colours, using much more interesting words than blue or red. :)