I was never good at this...
saying words I can't feel.
Goodbye, what's so good about
leaving? Did you think of that
when you let that bullet
rattle inside your brain?
Was that your last word
when your body hit the floor?
Whenever I think of you,
I don't think of the end.
I think of your hands covered
in the thickest grease. I think of
your garage filled with metal
tunes. I think of your smile
that won't let me sleep at night.
I think and I think but none of that
changes the reality I'm stuck with...
Being your friend taught me so much
How to laugh when others are complaining.
How to be strong when I can barely stand.
How to be different in a crowd of copies.
But of all the things you taught me...
saying goodbye was not one of them.
Your dedication to Brian's life is beautiful. Its descriptions of the bullet rattling inside his brain made me think if this was a metaphor for a possible tumor? Somehow, I think I like your description better.
Brian was obviously a man of many qualities, from working on mechanical items, to offering his wisdom. I take it that Brian had a special ability to observe people, notice behaviours and accept them for who they are - who you are?
The fact his smile is with you is a gift. A gift that many wish they could have; an inner smile that can remind them that life is worth living, but only if you can make the most of it.
Well done on this, I think you actually are good at saying 'goodbye' and Brian would know this and smile.