The emotion was definitely there and impacts the reader, however the different structure here was too different for me. It seemed the lines didn't break right and the structure was kind of haphazard as a result. I prefer your normal style more. A poem full of emotion though, lots of sadness.
AUSTIN..I want to scream! this is just HEARTbreaking..omg what have you done to me!
This is so amazingly written .PERFECT poem..from all sides..
the punctuation..the structure..the word choice..the placement of the words..how you penned them down..
Just brilliant poem
I can't believe how amazingly you ended this..
Poem that speaks desertion... that speaks of how beautiful you make out of the saddest verses..
..take this all away,
suffocate my life and hide
any remnants of my remains.
^^this was just magnificent..
Look I am looking forward to write a 2nd collab with you!! Your poems are striking..
Austin, this write is so full of sadness, heartache and pain for a loved one. I am not going through each verse, line by line because it doesn't need that. I understabd the use of the phrases after the dashes and I wish there were some way on this site to treat them differently. Given that, this is an excellent write from you.