Comments : Bizarre Memoirs

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Of course you had to add something of the sun, it wouldn't be a Sunshine poem without it :

    ^^
    hahaha! you always notice this..lol not intentional I swear :P

    thanks (:

  • 6 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This imagery is so strong here, I have nothing more to say but I admire so much the simple thoughts you weave into this abstract sense of mind that runs with heavy emotions. God bless!

  • 6 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Oh wow, you really incorporated the quote quite nicely, more so towards the end but I loved this because it holds a lot of more power there than anywhere else in the poem.

    You know, there's not much to critique here, it's something we can all relate to. It seems as though songs that were dedicated to us by someone who used to mean something to us creep up all the time reminding us of who they were and now realizing how much of a liar they were and how much sadness they bring to us.

    This is quite perfect. It's simple. I loved it! A unique way of expressing these thoughts. :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    I have no comment other than:

    Impressive.

    '-)

  • 6 years ago

    by Jad

    Well, Nana, I was talking to my physcriatrist person and they told me I should stay away from people like you who have this amazing talent at writing from their heart and bringing phrases to life! It makes me JEALOUS! :P Now that you know where I am coming from, Nana, you have completely made a beautiful yet sad piece that I think is wonderful. The flow was really good as was the structure of the poem. Your poem had a steady beat that went from stanza to stanza keeping pace with your flow.

    "Shame...
    You were as gentle as a dove, alas
    never held the wisdom of a real
    serpent.."

    This had to be my favorite part as I was wondering how you would incorporate the saying into the poem and then I read the end finally and am blown away to see you have a killer of an ending. You placed your emotions well in this poem and I could feel them throughout the poem with a intensity that only you can deliver.

    All in all, your skills are not diminishing whatsoever and you seem to be able to increase your poetic skills with each poem that you write and I look forward to read your next poem and see what you have for me. Just keep writing this wonderful pieces! Great job and keep writing! :]

  • 6 years ago

    by Caitlyn

    Brilliant. :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    The depth is so sublime in this masterpiece I feel unworthy to comment, though I will attempt to reflect the awe it made me feel

  • 6 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Nana, congrats times a million! God bless you and Mary keep you in your writing- you will change the heart of this nation!

    Lovely work :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Cindy

    Congrats on your win!
    Love Cindy

  • 6 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Wow! Nana this poem is so wonderful... I loved it and I love the inspiration behind it "Be as wise as a serpent, but as gentle as a dove". I like the way you incorporated that into your poem...

    This is my favorite stanza:

    "Lies, that's all I remember,
    as absurd words sprint deep
    through unaligned recollections
    each time your song plays
    at the back of my mind."

    It's just so powerful and emotional... I loved the part about your song playing at the back of my mind.... So nice!!

    Great job my dear :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Mr Rhee

    My, oh my. This was so well done. I must agree with the comment above. So powerful and emotional. Some very inteligent writing here. Well done.