After reading some of your previous work, i'll be honest and say this was a let down. i'm not sure what state of mind you were in when you wrote this but it was like i was reading it from the back of a cereal box.

Wha!! I totally disagree with the first comment. this piece, as usual, was incredible.

I adore the message, the feeling, the idea behind it. On my phone so I will come edit this later..:)

:O

Don't even know what to say.

Bahaha. Love the first post. Love it and disagree with it totally!

Bahaha. Love the first post. Love it and disagree with it totally!

Sibs,

What caught my eye with this piece was the contrast against warm and cold, it created a sense of confusion. It was as though you were trying to pull yourself out of the cold towards the warmth and yet you're always brought back to that colder place, a place you're trying desperately to escape and yet you can't really figure out why everyone else is "drowning" in the warmth you seek.

I was fond of the references to the body, I write about such too often but I just find the body so remarkable and it tells a story.

Nice work with the alliteration, in some areas it was obvious, in others it was subtle. Really effectively used.

I have no issue with the ending, I liked the simplicity and the fact it was straight to the point, it helped emphasise the idea of the cold because it too hits you quickly and without any warning.

This poem was natural in it's beauty, the tone expressed as much as the words did.

-Mel

Nah, first one's probably right. I haven't been able to write anything lately, and I have been having a kind of sucky day, so I'm just trying to force myself to get anything out that I can.

I partially agree with commenter # 1, but at the same time, I think he's being too critical.

It's a good piece, it's quiet in nature and (yes, I've ALWAYS been coming back to this lately) it sort of has a haiku-ish feel to it. Which I like because it reminds me of a warm breeze running over tall grass. Of dew splashing in slow motion. Quiet but beautiful. Hahaha I'm going too deep here.

I think the only real problem is the ending. I read it once and liked it. I read it thrice and thought "Where's the pizazz!?!?!"

I think a good thing to do would be to force out more writing and then come back to this and fix it up once you're comfortable writing again. It definitely has a lot potential. Especially since it contains this:

"Worry is a white
fox, a snowy ermine
burrowed under my ribs.
Sweat gathers lushly
in the small of my back, my
nails are caked with baked black soil."

The imagery makes me slaver with delight.

I dunno. I feel like I just do the same thing every time. I was thinking of different ways to build up the ending, but then I thought "I always do that. And I always do it in the same way." Then I kind of gave up. Slump.

The last line was the first one I wrote.

This one is beautiful, Sibs. You can really spin out an amazing piece even with your frozen pen. I enjoyed it, after the second read, it made sense.

I really enjoyed this piece.. I adore the nature tones to help express the feelings... the word display between the senses of hot and cold is awesome... there is so much more to this poem...very deep ( that's the feeling I'm getting) and I do love small pieces that pack a punch... well done ~

I disagree with the first comment, I don't like to compare pieces to the writer's previous, each piece is unique in it's own.

I love this piece, it is short yet holds meaning and strength, the alliteration added power and the flow was flawless,
the ending is beautiful and you really capture the essence of nature without being too direct and bold,
I think this piece is really good, and it's nice that you always end poems in the same way, we all have our own characteristics when writing and that makes us who we are, and in my opinion, I love it

A great piece Sibs
xxxx

..and I wish not to get lost in Sibs poems,
but..

Damn.

bah, no surprise this has a win..
did you see the views on this poem?

they were all me,

that's all I am saying.

oh,bloody hell, I wanna hit you with a pen..and yell

WRITE GIRL,WRITE!

Do you know what your poems more often do to me? Actually it has more than one effect. Firstly, it moves me, motivates me and inspires me no end. Secondly, it refreshes my brain, gives it new thoughts and encourages me to write original stuff that eventually turns into masterpieces. So, what do you expect me to comment? For more than two weeks, I've been dying to write a comment for you because it's the least you deserve, but I truly have some hard circumstances and finding no time. Anyway, here I am, borrowing my boyfriend's laptop and relishing your words. I don't know where to begin but I'll talk a bit about your title and beginning perhaps I find the right words for the rest of the poem. Usually, I read that worry, nostalgia, sadness (whatever) are colored black or taupe maybe, because they hold dark meanings to them and the best thing to metaphorize them is to color them with dark tints. This was the first time I read that worry is white and I couldn't really understand what you meant till I read and re-read the piece more than twice. It interested me. I guess a white fox refers to unstablity, that's what I imagined when I first read it, because a white fox most probably is found in the pole, and cold always means less movements, less comfort and more fear. Or perhaps by saying a fox you meant that worry is savage, smart? I'm not sure, it kept me thinking for hours. To be honest, I've never heard of the ermines, lol, ignorant me! I googled it and had funny pictures, haha. But I truly truly loved the ermine burrowed under your limbs image, so poetic. What I love too is how you incorporated nature with your thoughts, and how you used soft words to express a cruel feeling. Such as: 'snowy', 'soil' and 'the heat of July'.

'Sweat gathers lushly
in the small of my back'

I almost understood this but I'm yet to grasp that deeeeeep notion you've got here. The word 'lushly' had me agape, haha. I always read your poetry but rarely (or never) do comment because I know I'm going to put myself in this embarrassing area where I have nothing, totally nothing to say. I agree with Mel that you did a great job with the alliteration. The words 'caked' and 'baked' worked so well, together. I am a big fan! At first I thought you were talking about nailpolish, a black nailpolish, haha, then I kind of felt stupid so I guess you were referring to nature? That you're most related to it or something? Or perhaps the soil means dirt? Well, I started to make no sense now, haha.
I respect the honesty of the first commenter but, can they explain how this piece let them down? What bothered them? Was there any line not well-worded, or a feeling not well-expressed? In my opinion, this piece is personal, so it's hard for some to understand what you truly meant by it. I'd love to read that commenter's thoughts about your poem.

'Everyone is drinking the heat
of July, twisting it up like
a sticky wool blanket, licking
it back into place. The world
is drowning in the sun.'

I'm not sure here, if you meant to express yourself being cold and in need of warmth, 'envying' others for having it, then why saying a 'sticky' wool blanket? I mean, just the sound of sticky gives me chills. So, I don't know, maybe I'm just another commenter who has no idea! Lmao :/
Let me say something about the ending, it kind of confused me at the first read, like... Winter? It doesn't have anything to do with the rest of the poem but then, OH MY!!!!!!! I'm such a simpleton! Yes! of course, Winter! I think though if you begin the ending with 'yet' or...I really have no idea, LOL, but anything that might link the poem with it. Did you get what I mean?

I was so happy reading your poetry, dear, and I promise you I'll read it regularly whenever I have the time. Was a pleasure!

I admit to being torn between this poem and Sibyllene's other poem nominated this week. This is also a stunning piece worthy of a 10, but alas I have only one 10 to give. After reading through the 60 poems nominated this week I found myself coming back to this piece, to its clean lines, its uncomplicated, fresh, short yet powerful form. It's interesting, while judging I always read and form an opinion, then write my critique, and then I sometimes read others reviews, which is always interesting. In this instant I love the ending and find it intriguing that Sibyllene wrote it first..
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