Comments : Poetry Women

  • 6 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I think this is far from crap as you put it...Noura...

    When this is finished I think it would be perfect...
    the second stanza should be "A woman" not "A women" but...that's the only thing I found wrong, not wrong just a typo.

    This is creative...Really and I sense the darkness coming out...I think, I know it is awesome...

    SO CHANGE THE TITLE TO "Some Masterpiece Unfinished" OKAY?

    Believe in yourself...you are a talent...

    Hugs

    • 6 years ago

      by nourayasmine

      Ughhhh. Why do you always insist on making me feel confident? When it's finished I will probably feel better about it. Thank you. :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Because you don't see how talented you are...and when you pen poems like this and then say they are rubbish and whatever I get angry because we all know they are really good and I wish you could see it...

    Because you are my friend and I love you...

    Simple as...You ARE and THIS IS Awesome!

  • 6 years ago

    by Lioness

    Wow!

    I can feel the darkness here so much,

    Nails
    breaking 'gainst lips -
    fingers bleeding
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    This reminds me of myself when I bite my nails and the skin bleeds. It makes me think of when I do it when usually my anxiety kicks in.

    An awesome write hun you've done well with this dark poem of yours!

    x

  • 6 years ago

    by Darren

    I thought this was quite good actually,
    I have commented on a few posts here suggesting that too many words have been used to fill out the poem,
    Now I know what one looks like when starved!!!
    The woman leaning is a good start, I like the way it looks like it shows her lifes journey.

    Honestly looks like a good idea.
    regards

    Darren

  • 6 years ago

    by Jordan

    This is absolutely stunning.

    I'm on the fence about your use of language, and I'm trying to figure it out. Is English your first language? I guess it could be...or is it your second language and is it because of your potentially lax grasp on grammar, punctuation, etc. that you can so easily manipulate it? Oh this is such an impressive piece from both a lover of language and an even bigger lover of art.

    This poem actually made me squirm with delight. I'm not even exaggerating. It's sexy, it's interesting, it's serene.

    The visuals that I get of the women are tantalizing. No explanation of what they look like, or who they are, just what they're doing. So much mystery.

    The last stanza is AMAZING.

    Perfect. Just perfect.

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Awesome...awesome, nominated

  • 6 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    This is creativity at its best

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    Congrats, lovely.

    But I truly really honestly didn't understand a word from this. I mean the picture is quite like, I don't know, some inscrutable women in the 80s?

    Can you pm me? :P

    • 6 years ago

      by nourayasmine

      I am so sad you didn't understand my dark side. :( okay I will PM you whatever I meant.

  • 6 years ago

    by L

    Congrats, Noura!

    I also have no idea what this poem is about. but I like how the words sounded.

  • 6 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I loved the images of blood, wine and poetry, it was so abstract yet you engross the reader in so many ways....mentioning opium, and giving off this eerie sense of mystery. Like the mystery in poetry.

    Congratulations on the win, this was a masterpiece to read and the title was enthralling as well!!!!!!! You went beyond the ordinary....awesome job, enjoyed the fantasy of it too :]

  • 6 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    Guys, I know you find this poem really too weird but I don't like to explain my poetry in public. I feel embarrassed. :(

  • 6 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    Congrats Kiddo on your win. I really loved the imagery here...

    This part sounds a bit off:
    A woman leaning her
    breaths at a

    ^^^^(should this be breasts)
    wall, smoking melancholy.

    I loved this very different poem from you.

    • 6 years ago

      by nourayasmine

      Um, I don't think so, Connie. I meant 'breaths'. :) Thanks.

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    Okay, so thanks to your PM, I was able to understand a little. I know that poetry is not to be explained, but I wouldn't have commented if you didn't. It's enjoyable and stuff, but if someone doesn't have one thread, one clue, he/she wouldn't feel involved.

    The first part is about two poetry women, or POETESSES. You told me that Poetry Women is better than saying Poetesses? I don't think so, IMO :P

    Anyway.. I can feel that those two poetesses in the 1st part are not awake because of 'opium'.

    In the 2nd part, one poetess dies at the age of 30 (30 cigarettes), and the other is still there, writing. I would love to say that this reflects how writing is addicting.

    In the 3rd part, the other poetess dies, and their ghost is united and still writing.

    So artistic. Probably not the content, but the way you structured the content.

    (Y)

  • 6 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    I feel so embarrassed, Abed, haha. I feel I'm such a dark goofy!

    Smoking opium is like writing poetry. What the hell was I thinking, haha?

  • 6 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Don't judge that I didn't even realise this had won Noura...from the minute I read it I knew it had the potential to...and I'm sure I must have come across the thread and seen the comments...but it escapes me why I never realised or commented to congratulate you...

    Just beautiful as I said and it just works so well.
    xxx

  • 6 years ago

    by Twiggy

    There's almost a mirror in the tone of this piece. Can tell why it won. I love the visual description. It wasn't too over the top. Few words, but enough to tease the reader. My favourite lines: "An empty cup and thirty cigarettes put out. Put out her eyes are."

    The words alone wouldn't be complete without the format they're laid out in.

    A piece of scripted art this is. I've not read one like it

  • 5 years ago

    by Robert Gardiner

    Wonderful!!!

  • 5 years ago

    by abracadabra

    This is one ssssmokin hot poem, Noura. Haven't read a poem like this in a long time, here or anywhere, and I read a lot.

    This feels new, exciting, sassy, uncaring. It seems to have that unconscious quality that surprises the writer the most.

  • 4 years ago

    by Gwen Davis

    Wow! You're deep and I love it!!!!!!!

  • 4 years ago

    by moon face

    Lord save me!