It is still too dark to be awake,
too quiet to be listening
but I try to see through the piercing
shadows; hear someone - anyone's
breathing, just to prove to myself
I'm not alone anymore.
I begin to feel Winter again,
but I know it's not her (she hates me;
she has forgotten me).
I grope for my blanket shoved
earlier on the floor, and
when I finally found the warmth I so
craved, I tried to succumb back
into unconsciousness; my escape.
But I couldn't - my mind wouldn't.
[..it is the worst experience to not
have control over your own mind; it
seems as though you're forced to
dwell within someone else's body..
it's as though you exist, but you're not
actually living - at least - not anymore..]
My eyes are getting sore; my eyelids
however, are getting lighter.
I knew this time would come.
Like a stubborn worm, thoughts and
memories of you begin crawling
inside my brain.
I should be sleeping.
But I see your face. Your voice starts
chasing away my reason; my sanity.
[..and I'm not sure whether I slept or not..]
"We'll go someplace faraway,
someplace quiet and sad and
cold and desolate and we'll talk.
We'll talk. And listen. And do all
the things we promised last May.
And we won't care about time
for once; just once."
Wow, your opening here drew me in straight away as I knew exactly what you meant, you just feel so alone that you feel a bit desperate for any company, no matter what that company is.
When you go on to describe what it is like to feel like you dont exist anymore - I could understand this feeling. Like you are not dead but it doesn't mean you are living every day either. Its a very depressing and numb feeling which drags us down.
The part where you say your eyes begin to hurt, but yet you feel more awake because you have probably past the point of tiredness, this is what happens to me, so you begin to think of more things and your mind goes off again.
I like how you put the time through out the poem so we could see exactly what went on during your night of trying to sleep. it shows how long the night can be when you do not sleep.
As for your ending, I think the single line ending holds so much power and I am glad you chose to do this. It shows regret because of something you believed in which has resulted in you hurting and feeling this emotion.
This poem was another touching and very honest one. Great job and another great title choice.
You blew my mind with this one Xanthe, and I knew you would win it!
Here is my comment from the club threads since reading it again and again just makes me speechless..
"This poem just left me so speechless. The writer has definitely described a state of mind that I went through a lot. "Sleeplessness" and I too hate the fact that I cant control my mind and thoughts, I oftenly think a lot and sometimes even my mind seems to suffocate me but I cant run away from it. Those different time stamps and pauses and the way you were feeling and thinking at everyone of them just showed me how alike we are. This is one of the best poems I read lately and could relate to fully."