Comments : Elephants

  • 5 years ago

    by Mohan

    Well penned
    i like your talent here..

  • 5 years ago

    by Karla

    I am glad you won.

  • 5 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Hanging in the fissure of a whalebone,
    mourning songs like foghorns
    dangling in decibels on distant, bony shores.

    ^^This opening starts off with a very strong message with vivid images..excellent lines!

    There are dead birds around
    in wakes of disarray-
    slick, melted, disfigured,
    black tar on their awkward bent wings,
    frozen in time.

    ^^This image we see far too often and with it lifeless flights pasted into a blackness touching image.

    I hear them in the night's blind eye...
    when the gray light is down;
    when waves crash through this burial ground
    and time moves slower than

    coagulated blood.

    ^^Its interesting how you have separated these lines for it shows a grave yard of sea animals and whilst that sinks into the reader's mind you paint another image...blood! I find this very powerful!

    All in all a moving write...congrats on the win :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    "They blow from a thousand suns ago;
    from a thousand years before."

    dying, crying...etc

  • 5 years ago

    by vikas sharma

    Great poem :)
    I am aslo on same way and a writer :)
    I have a huge collection on the world's creative website touchtalent.com .
    you can watch my talent here :

    Link- www.touchtalent.com?cmpgn=2&uid=9907

  • 5 years ago

    by Polaroid

    Wow. that was beautiful.

  • 4 years ago

    by The Queen

    This poem, as a whole, evokes certain aspects of historical consciousness (whalebone as statue) and of folktale style due to its opening lines. I admire the structure of this poem, not all of free verse poems are good, except when it's 'structured free verse', (accurate line length and appropriate spacing), such as this. Throughout the poem, the poet just describes visual scenes by constantly using vivid descriptions, "dead birds", "slick, melted, disfigured", "mourning songs like foghorns", when the gray light is down; when waves crash through this burial ground" almost close-up scenes behind my eyelids as I read further. As for the use of punctuation, from ellipsis to semi-colon, dash to comma, in my opinion, was done effectively. The sound and the rhythmic language choices of this poem are the key factors that made it stood out from the rest of the nominated poems this week and not to mention, its surprising ending line, as well.

  • 2 years ago

    by JaneDoeWrites

    While reading through this piece it reminded me of this photographers work I had seen a while back, especially with your description of the dead birds...

    http://www.demilked.com/calcified-birds-lake-natron-nick-brandt/

    Such a dark and moving piece.