My hand feels the war
raging between my thoughts and pen.
A few words diameter my thoughts
while the pen inks a blot.
The words are held captive
and the thoughts- silent;
as the pen rules a blank paper.
Yet the words never plan to surrender
just like the former imprisoned India,
and get buried under the pride of the pen;
which boasts to have carved sapphire stories;
yet forgets a vintage truth-
the wisdom of a pen is spined by an array of radiant words.
And the words determined
to spread across the confines of the page
liberalizing every little essence and worth they hold.
The mind hence unbottles the wrinkled thoughts
which forces the pen to scribble on the untouched canvas.......
And a revolution dawns.
I like how the main character of this poem is a completely foreign object - partway through the poem it almost seems as if there is now you, there is simply your thoughts as they are perceived and scribed by the pen.
as your slightly more recent poem, this work is devoid of the usual teen angst and i found the whole read supremely enjoyable and refreshing. the flow of the poem was very good, the slant, in-line rhymes were a fantastic touch as well, and really made reading through the poem smoother. good job on this piece.
4 years ago
There so so many lines here I absolutely fell it love with!
"the wisdom of a pen is spined by an array of radiant words."
This is beautiful. I love your use of "spined" here.. and radiant. You typically see radiant with bright words like sunshine or something in nature, but not radiant words.. what a great way to describe it.
Your opening "my hands feel the war", instantly had me interested in this piece. The beginning of poems can be so difficult to really grasp readers attention, but you did so VERY well here.
I also like your slight rhyme of thoughts/blots in the beginning. Probably not intentional, but it helped with the flow where otherwise it may have faultered a tad with those two lines ( due to differences in length/length of words), but that helped it really hold together.
I feel like I haven't really read much of your poetry but I'm going to change that. This had a great message and done in a great, poetic way. Love it!
This is another great poem, you've a way with expressing your words that I find to be simply amazing. There are times we all experience when we want to say something or write down our feelings, but something won't allow us to communicate whats going on inside of us.
The thoughts are there because we are experiencing them, but like you stated they are imprison by some unexplainable force; however, this can be truly fustrating because we can't express our deepest thoughts. I love your poems and this poem is just another reason why, this is such a well crafted piece.