The inner rhyme and the story telling technique you adopted were spot on for such a piece, you helped the reader to see what you were seeing and to feel the surroundings of that place. It gave me chills at some parts and it kept me intrigued wanting to know more and more.
I enjoyed the journey through your words.
Keep the talent up, and welcome to PnQ :)
This is epic. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I sent feedback through a private message as it is a little detailed - I hope it's the kind of thing you're after. But in all honesty, this is a great piece. I could even hear background music as I was reading! Great stuff mate :)
Oh my, I think of Edgar Allan Poe all the time I was reading this. Wow, I commend you, and I am in awe of how you have wonderfully told this chilling story in poetic rhyme. It's a masterpiece. Added to faves.