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by Beauty In The Breaking Feb 3, 2014
Sadness, depression /
Silence is my only greeting
as I sit alone in the night,
the ticking of the minutes
the only sound that stirs the air
as I sit in my crippling pain.
We had another fight tonight
with nothing new to say,
just repeats of the broken words
that we've both said a hundred times before
and used tissues on the floor.
Arguments without any yelling,
just quiet words and tears,
heavy silences with no response
and the sound of our hearts cracking
have to be the very worst.
That's the trouble with loving someone
as much as I love you,
as much as you love me too,
the silences hurt so much more
than the angry words ever could.
Both wanting nothing more than love
but sometimes unable to reach across
this gaping chasm between our hearts,
trapped by words that I don't say
and feelings that you don't understand.
Curled up with the phone in my hand
hoping that you'll call back
just to say that you love me anyways
even though I know you won't,
it's another drinking night.
I miss the days of easy,
when I never thought past those butterflies,
now a cynical adult looking in
I try to fit it all in my mind,
I'm so sorry that I hurt you.
Staring at the phone screen
just hoping to hear your voice,
hugging the bottle to me
just wishing it didn't hurt,
my heart breaks a little more.
I wish that I knew how...
to reach across this huge divide
and bridge our two worlds,
let our hearts do the talking
instead of getting jumbled in the words.
Staring at the ceiling,
blaming myself for this ugly affair,
I'm sorry that I'm so insecure,
I'm sorry that I'm scared,
I'm sorry that I made you cry.
They say that our fears and insecurities
can drive us the hardest,
in my quest to keep them from happening...
I fear I give them life instead.