Sorry! I've posted the same comment three times with my excessive use of the enter button!
2 years ago
by Ben Pickard
Hi Cassie - I'm a new member of your poetry club. Many thanks for you comment on my "Black Diary" poem. And may I just say what a wonderful read this is. "My eyes leek silver tears." Lots of really well written lines in this.
Wow, great imagery to open the poem with, I especially like the silver tears, I could see them reflecting and glistening with reflection.
The contrast in your second stanza is very well portrayed, from happy to sad at extremely opposite ends. This was done well too.
You carry the very dark feeling into the next verse and show just how all these dreams were shattered. Good word choice there, and also I like your description of life with the stony rocks, although I suggest you find a different adjective for the rocks, as stony kind of implies rocks anyway. It is a bit like the saying glass window, when you hear window you assume it is glass anyway.
Really sad, but realistic ending, lots of longing for what was long ago, and what feels impossible to find again.
Great use of the title and prompt, and you included the shadow of the heart well in the poem, showing what was lost and what still beats you up in your head when you thin of what you had/were before.