I once had a crow, he was shot in a storm.
A bullet to the beak from an eye of scorn.
Three soldier platoons ranked second to none
preaching "self defense" through the barrels of guns.
Their steel had cooled and smoke turned to haze;
"shot him way past death!" chirped a lad with arms raised.
"So what of this then?" asked the rest of the birds.
"They took him away when he crowed not a word."
"Post them to Hades with their eyes turned back!"
Grieved the old spotted owl on the verge of attack.
"Scorch the ships they sailed and set fire to the sea!
Have them squirm in their graves through everlasting grief!
Pin their tongues to their eyes, so they taste what they see!
Blast them far beyond the moon!
No, the sun.
No! Their dreams!"
No sooner did he speak when his head slouched down.
His rage grew pale in words shorn of sound.
A puff soon settled to haze in a dance,
as a young soldier chuckled, warm steel in hand.
"Two in a row!" smirked the face of another.
They sneered, poised and took aim at the others.
And one by one, they'd dwindle and fall.
Every last bird to lay dead on the floor.
Their feathers, a maze, rested cold in the wind.
Stained pure, in red, testifying their win.
Huh, pardon? Where is the nearly emotionless robotic flow. Haha I feel so much emotion there.
No worries. I also had to google what meter was when I discovered that on a few of my pieces I was writing with "a sing song rhythm." That's how I came to learn about poetic techniques by doing it first then wanting to know what it was that I was doing. XD It will come in handy if you learn more about them ( I have a lot to learn too). But it's always better to just go by the sound (whatever it is that you feel and hear at the moment of writing) than to pay attention to the poetic technique.
All the best. Do keep on writing when the feeling to write comes.
Haha it's not a poetic technique, I meant to the rhythm of a literal military march. To the beat of the snare and in a nearly emotionless robotic flow. I thought it would add more coldness to the humans vs nature theme (for the human side).
I love writing but I'm willing to bet that your knowledge of poetic techniques is leagues above my own. Lol I wouldn't know what half of them are - I actually had to Google anapest just then. I'd probably do well to brush up on those haha
Thank you for giving it a read :) It was definitely on purpose. I tried to make it almost like a military march, but one sided. I didn't get it completely right, but that'll hopefully come with practice.
2 years ago
I agree with lune this piece shines with imagery and is very mesmerizing.
You have a real talent and how this piece has been missed amazes me.
This is a mesmerizing, vivid piece of poetry good sir!
You definitely have some strong talent in the world of writing.
I believe it can even be a song, the words just ooze with imagery. I love the opening stanza it grabs the reader right away leading them on a journey of top notch work. The surrounding whole of the crow was dark yet beautiful. Reminded me in a way of Game of Thrones a little, Crows - Men taking the black etc.
Talented piece, keep it up - I'll check more of your work out tomorrow, it's late here.