How Did I Get Here

by No1ButMe   Oct 3, 2016


I'm not sure how I got here
thoughts bouncing around in my head
I see their lips moving
but don't here anything they said
they exchange a look
and I'm forced into a chair
drilled by some nurse
with brown messy hair
she keeps asking questions
like the answers are going to change
finally fed up
seems she deemed me strange
she lightly gets up
a flash before my eyes
say I'll be fine
comforting me with a lie
she opens a file
and my picture is bound
judging me, evaluating
without making a sound
I'm lead into another room
where I'm forced to undress
"leave then on the floor,
and don't mind the mess"
I take off my clothes,
they take them away
not caring what I do
nor what I have to say
alone and naked
in this white-washed room
taken over by thoughts
that come way to soon
a few minuets later
a new nurse walks in
she eyes me up and down then says
"shall we begin"
one eyebrow shoots up
clipboard in her hand
clearly she knows something
that I do not understand
"please step over here
and spread your legs apart"
as she marks my scars
on my full body chart
she mirrors my work
one by one
and I just stand there
becoming completely numb
in my head I'm counting
to each line she draws
my eyebrows crinkle together
just thinking of the cause
no, she must be wrong
she drew a multitude
ones I'd forgotten
and no longer thought to include
she taps her pen
and tells me to turn
it was then
that my lesson was learned
never before now
had I been so bare
a tear starts to form
because I'm starting to care
what have I done
how did I get here
thoughts bouncing around in my head
I see her lips move, but nothing is clear...

-This poem is about my first check in procedure to an asylum, where they do the body charts of self injuries. That is where I first realized how my cutting had taken over my life. If you've ever been there, you're not alone. Stay strong. -

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Latest Comments

  • 2 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    As Ben says what a shocking experience. Thank you for sharing in poetry what was clearly a horrible experience. It will be an inspiration to anyone who has been through this to know that they are not alone. take good care of yourself and know that on this site you never need be alone you are part of one big family. Milly x

  • 2 years ago

    by Em

    Sierra, this is a truly personal, raw and saddening write that brought a tear to my eyes. No matter the scars you made, that experience must have been truly horrifying and you are very brave for sharing experience so that others know they aren't alone.

    Nominated, Em

  • 2 years ago

    by Brenda

    Wow, this is so powerful and sad. I'm sorry you had to endure this. I appreciate your candor in writing this, it takes a lot of courage to literally bare it all and open yourself up like you did. Thank you for sharing. Hugs to you-

  • 2 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Sierra,

    This is a thoroughly shocking, sad and absorbing write that certainly gave me some insight (although horrific) into the procedure. It must almost feel like it's happening to someone else.

    Thank you for sharing what must have been a very, very difficult experience. I shall nominate this later on when I have some votes back.

    Take care,

    Ben