New Mom

by silvershoes   Mar 28, 2017


Written for a friend, whose son died in labor yesterday.

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I guess we should call you grandma and grandpa now.
Or how about nana and pop-pop?
The teasing makes you smile.
Smiles aglow.
Smiles around.
I waited to tell you until I was sure;
Never wanted to get more hopes up than one.

Baby's late.
Stubborn just like mama.
One day, two day, three -
I don't mind having my creation inside of me a little longer,
But I won't say that aloud.
They're anxious to meet you and so am I.

Watermelon for scale doesn't work anymore.

It's happening!
Scared to be a new mom, but never been more ready.
Your handmade hat and swaddling cloth are ready for you too.

Labor is hard.
That's normal though, isn't it?
All I can think of is the pain.
I know you'll be here to heal me soon.
I'll forget all this, only remember holding you for the first time,
And calling you by your name.

43 hours of labor.
The doctors are tired and so am I.
I can't push anymore, so they want to cut me open.
Of course, that's what's needed.
Labor is hard.
That's normal though, isn't it?

I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.
I called him by his name.
They said I could hold him for awhile
To say goodbye.
The doctors were crying before the words could register:
"We lost him."

Suddenly I'm alone.

No one prepares you for this,
But why should they?
Labor is hard.
That's normal until it isn't.

7


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Latest Comments

  • 1 year ago

    by Avrii Monrielle

    That's cool...

    I want to give birth at home
    I have my own place

    But horrible "parents"

    I believe I'm pregnant with 2 guys' kids
    But they probably would think I'm crazy

    I know I'm not though

    I need them more than ever

    Key terms: heart uterus, stealth pregnancy, cryptic pregnancy
    What I would like have happen from this poem request: be loved back by them unconditionally

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Sorry I missed this Jane but I have no words that could come close to how emotional this makes me feel.

    Much love and healing to your friend and all who have bee affected by this loss.

  • 1 year ago

    by mossgirl19

    They say when you deliver a baby half of your feet is already below the ground. It's risky, it's painful but seeing your baby for the first time is priceless. As a mother this tore me apart. I appreciate your love for your friend. You channeled your gift so well in this piece.

  • 1 year ago

    by Britt

    I cringe every time I hear someone say "I'm out of the first trimester, I'm in the safe zone, now!". I've experienced and have seen too much loss to know that there is no such thing as a safe zone. Life is precious and so easily stolen away. Births that turn to immediate grief in death is one of those things I will absolutely never be able to wrap my head or my heart around. They make no sense. No one can ever prepare someone for this, even if it's experienced by someone close to you - one of those things you'll never understand truly until you've been there, God forbid.

    Praying for you, your friend, and the community around her, that they would hold her up and love her fiercely. So sorry your friend had to experience something so tragic.

  • 1 year ago

    by Hellon

    I wish I'd read this one first..it gives me more of an insight into your other poem. The thing that really kicked me in the gut was your opening line for I too had this jokingly said to me and I was all smiles each time. I went out and bought such a soft teddy the day I found out...neutral colours of course, I had cast on the first baby-jacket I was planning to knit for my first grandchild when, all of a sudden my happiness was cruelly pulled away from me and yet...I hadn't really gotten used to the happiness and it was over. I hate to think what this family is going through right now, especially the parents who have gone through the whole nine months in happy anticipation and now they have nothing. My heart breaks for them and, I know it has affected you really badly too so sending a hug your way.

    Nothing else I can add really, such an emotional write that just got me fair and square in the guts.

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