We Don't Talk Anymore

by Alex Penuelas   May 27, 2017


Talking to you
Was easy
Once upon a time.

Every night before
I went to bed,
I would get on my knees
And pray to you.

You were so kind,
So generous with your infinite wisdom,
So empathetic with the struggles
My mortal self was dealing with,
Be it an illness,
A struggle in classes,
Or a cute girl I had a crush on.

I remember vividly
How soothing your voice was,
How you reassured me
That everything was
Gonna be alright,
That you had everything
Under control,
That no misdeeds would ever
Happen against me or my family.

That was, until grandma got ill.

Until she started to forget,
Until she couldn't walk anymore,
Until she couldn't recognize
Her own daughter,
The one who took care of her
For all of these years.

She didn't do anything
To deserve such a fate,
She was kind and devoted to her mother,
And followed your commandments
To the letter.

She prayer to you
Every night,
Every day,
Every minute,
For my Abuelita
To get better.

But she never did.

She passed away in her sleep
Due to a little flu she had.

A flu.
Not the heart attack that
Made her need a pacemaker.
Not the small stroke that
Made her lose feeling on the
Right side of her face.

No, a flu.

When she passed
I prayed to you
As hard as I could
For you to give me a sign.

And sure enough,
You were there.

You were there
To comfort me with your
Same old psalms and verses,
With your thoughts and prayers,
With your soothing voice
That-

Hang on,
That voice sounds familiar.

It... sounds a lot like....

My OWN voice.

Was I...
Talking to myself
This entire time?...

No... it couldn't be...
I knew I spoke to you
And you responded with
The things I wanted to
Hea-...

Wait...
No no no ...
I WAS talking to myself...
This entire time??

Were all of these
Prayers falling on
Deaf ears,
Because there weren't
Any ears there to
Begin with?

I tried to tell myself
That you were still there,
But try as I might,
I realized that the only person
There for me was
Myself.

And that is why we don't talk anymore.

If you wanna talk to me,
Show me a sign,
Speak to me in your voice,
Don't hide behind your
Book of fables,
And come to me,
And speak to me,
Like I thought you used to.

Till then,
I am under no obligation
To listen to what you have to say.

3


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Latest Comments

  • 6 months ago

    by Ren

    Wow. This is extremely powerful. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Grandma. It's good she's no longer suffering but I know that doesn't make it any easier. Much love and peace to you, hon, especially on your path to healing.

  • 6 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Hey Alex. Wow, you had me with this one again! I'm really amazed by your talent in telling us a personal story in a creative way. I am a Christian also and I know the feeling when we sometimes feel that God is not listening anymore. Or when we start to wonder if He really was there after all. Death brings so much misery but its also the only way to enter paradise. I believe in heaven, and if you do, you should be happy now that grandma is basking in all its abundance and beauty. She died faithful to the Lord and surely great is her reward. I have learned to accept this truth also, that God always work for the good of those who love Him. He promised too that He will turn our mourning into joy. This is not easy, but not impossible. This was an honest and a great write!