You never did

I used to think that every sip I took from the bottle was a way of coping
With the pain that you had so heartlessly caused me.
Every hit-
a temporary remedy to my heartbreak.
But tonight I realized that
that's not what it was..
Not at all.
I have always had a way
of numbing myself without drugs,
That was my way of dealing with things.
But for me;
It was never about feeling the pain and trying to drown all of it out.
It wasn't about trying to cope with the stress and anxiety and nightmares,
It was about trying to feel something.
Because anything;
I mean anything, was so much better than the absolute numb state I had been in
Without the drugs.
I wasn't trying to numb myself,
I was trying to get rid of the numbness If that makes any sense at all.
You'd always told me that all I ever did was hurt you-
And that you'd never done a damn thing to hurt me but you're wrong.
You're dead wrong.
I could sit here and tell you everything you've done to hurt me but what's the point....
You don't give a damn.
You never did.